The Grind...

When The Grind comes…

On Saturday I began running at 805AM in the morning. 

The first two miles were up a mountain.  4280 feet of elevation to 4872 feet.  It only got better from there.  You might ask – what is better than that Dave?  Better is the rocks on the course.  The beautiful views of the mirror like surface of the Great Salt Lake and the sunrise.  More rocks.  Then it got better than that.  There was Mountain Dew at the first aid station.  And M&Ms and cookies – and straight Coke.  I chose the Mountain Dew. 

After that aid station – you go on down the mountain.  Like a rollicking porpoise in the ocean – you are kicking rocks all of the way.  You are going up and down the mountains.  Is there any help out there for you?  No.  It tis just be you – and the mountain.  Nobody can drag your ass up the hill.  Nobody can drag your ass further.  It is just you.  You.  All you got is you.  You could quit.  At any time you could quit and just pack it up and go home.  But how do you get back down the mountain?  The same way you got up there.  Might as well continue – oh yes you continue.

You go back to 4241 feet – and slog through a loose trail – and I do mean loose.  The rocks here were deposited whilst Hercules was cleaning the stalls of the 12 incontinent bulls.  They have been left here for your feet to hit – stumble over – and get in your way.  Did I mention this was a trail run?  Oh yes.  Did I mention that you are only 2:46:40 seconds into the trail run?

Stevie Wonder begins to play at this time.  Superstition.  Music makes it easier.  Oh, wait – you are at the 2:26:40 – where you have been left by all the (g)ods of running.  No fleet of foot here.  Here begins the slog up the mountain.  How far do you want to go?

How about from 4238FT to 5249FT.  Straight up the damned mountain.  No running here.  1011 feet up the mountain.

That will only take you an hour.  Of your life.

You get there.  More Mountain Dew.  Lots of it this time.  The remark – “hey you are at the top of the mountain.  Did you know everyone else but you signed up BEFORE today?  They are crazy, you are a special type of crazy.”  Thanks.

Then you begin the descent.  All the way down the mountain.  You can’t go fast – you are fat and rolling down the mountain isn’t an option.  At mile 15 you stop.  You send a message to your wife and I quote: 

“Molly I am halfway through it is noon I don’t think I’ll be done before 5 I’m sorry this is a beast I’m going to go back to running now and put this back in my pack and I don’t think I’m going to be done until 4 I’m so sorry.”

I misspelled my wife’s name because I couldn’t type with my fingers.  It must have looked to the other stragglers on this race that I was praying to some god in the West – because the ones in the East had given up on me.  I put the phone back in my pack and kept going. 

Why?  Because you can’t stop.  You can’t say – “Damn this was hard and I gave up.”  Or the better one “I sure hope I don’t die out here – the other runners won’t help me – they want to finish too.” 

When the grind calls you – you step it up.  You are the only one that can do it.  You are the only one that can answer the call.  Nobody else can step in for you.  Negative Ghost Rider – the pattern is full.  THREE MILES UP THE MOUNTAIN.  Nobody to carry your sorry carcass up there – and nobody will carry you back down.  You get to do it.  This is not some pansy road race where they have a tent with medical people in it to help you.  The aid station dudes just go – “damn that was a nice little hill for you, would you like more Mountain Dew?”  Yes Please.  The lady at the last aid station told me to not use as many cups of her Mountain Dew and we agreed she would pour and I would just drink.

Life is exactly like this race.  In every day you will find obstacles – three miles up the mountain.  Nobody to help you or to assist.  You will find yourself on a trip that you signed up for and you get what you punched the ticket.  Your feet will hurt.  Your mind will tell you – “hey dude – just turn around.  It is only 15 miles back to the start.”  Then your mind recalculates – and tells you “Quit being such a baby – it is only 16 miles finish.” 

You dig back to your roots of your existence – and you slap the grit out of your eyes – and press forward.  There is no going back.  There is no surrender.  There is no acquiescing to pain.  There is no give in.  There is no give up.  There is no understanding of stopping.  You put your hands on your knees – and you calculate – “what do I need to do to finish?” 

You grind it.  You do it.  You finish.  If you need to walk – you walk – if you can run – you run.

You finish.  You fight your mind and your body.  You hurt – but pain is temporary.  You can’t stop.  Nobody else will do it for you.

Hard is worth it.  Hard makes you dig into your soul and try harder.  Hard is what life is made of.  You keep moving – Hard does not frighten you. 

Press it – grind it – do it – finish it – there is only one goal – get it done.

You land your boat on the shore of a challenge.  You burn the boat – because there is no turning back.  You do it.  You make it – you build and grow to meet the challenge. 

Feed your fire.  Love the grind.  Step out into the unknown.   At 7:53:54 you finish.  Doesn’t that sound better?

FMR

“My lord duke I admit that my knees do tremble but should they know where I shall this day take them they would shake even more.”

Courage.  Motivation.  Grit. Determination.  Guts. 

Each day we rise up in the morning – and we saddle up – and in the words of John Wayne – “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”

Each of us – get to make the choice.  Each day we can sit on the porch.  Enjoy the sunrise – and the sunset.  The creep of the crickets in the bushes – and the calls of the wild birds overhead.  What good does that do you?  The sun burns hot – the desire to do something with your time should burn all the hotter.

I quote from General George Patton:

“All men are timid on entering any fight; whether it is the first fight or the last fight all of us are timid. Cowards are those who let their timidity get the better of their manhood. You will never do that because of your blood lines on both sides. I think I have told you the story of Marshall Touraine who fought under Louis XIV. On the morning of one of his last battles—he had been fighting for forty years—he was mounting his horse when a young ADC [aide-de-camp] who had just come from the court and had never missed a meal or heard a hostile shot said: “M. de Touraine it amazes me that a man of your supposed courage should permit his knees to tremble as he walks out to mount.” Touraine replied “My lord duke I admit that my knees do tremble but should they know where I shall this day take them they would shake even more.” That is it. Your knees may shake but they will always take you towards the enemy.”

Touraine was right.  He knew what was out there.  He knew that what we was going to do that day was full of disaster – setbacks – charges – retreats – blood – and folly.  But, he went anyway.  He went out and strapped on his sword.  He strapped on his honor and his dignity.  He gathered himself together and pointed the horse in the direction he was going to go.  He took what he had and screwed up his courage – and led his men forward.  Inner resolve and confidence.

I continue with George Patton:  “There are apparently two types of successful soldiers. Those who get on by being unobtrusive and those who get on by being obtrusive. I am of the latter type and seem to be rare and unpopular: but it is my method. One has to choose a system and stick to it; people who are not themselves are nobody.”

You will never be successful being what you are not.  You will never survive the fight and the contact with your enemy if you don’t be what you are.  If you are faking it – then the well will run dry when you need the water the most.

Next point:  “The intensity of your desire to acquire any special ability depends on character, on ambition.” Your ambition drives you.  Your drive fueled by what you want to be and how you want to get there. 

Running – like life is complicated.  Each mile is the same amount of distance.  There are no short cuts – there is no shortening the mile.  They are all miles.  They all add up.  They all include the grinding.  Are there easier miles?  Yes.  Are there downhill miles, uphill miles, and flat miles that stretch out forever?  Yes.  But all races are finite.  All life is finite – and this life has an end.  Nobody gets out of this life alive.

So I run.  Not fast – not walking – but I run.  I do that which I need to do to get where I have set my goals to get to.  Once you lock in the goals.  Once your mind says – “I CAN DO THIS.”  Then you can make it.  You can make the distance.  You can silence your fears.  You can make your arms and legs move at the pace you want to go at.  Do you need all the frilly shorts and trappings to get you there?  If you wanted to do a race. And you wanted to run it.  You could do it in flip flops and corduroy jeans.  You would make yourself go.  You would want to get there.  You would want to be in the best shape and in the best place.

Why don’t you go now?  What is holding you back?  What anchors are weighing you down?  What have you allowed yourself to be tethered to so that you can’t get out the door and be yourself?

Is it what you want to do?  Is it where you want to be?  What time is it in your head?  Time to quit or time to awaken your sense of destiny and desire?

“I am sure that if every leader who goes into battle will promise himself that he will come out either a conqueror or a corpse he is sure to win. There is no doubt of that. Defeat is not due to losses but to the destruction of the soul of the leaders. The “Live to fight another day” doctrine.”

It is not in your destiny to fail.  You can either give yourself the confidence to make good choices.  To make the right choice.  To make your path your own.  But each day – just like John Wayne – or Marshall Touraine – you leave it all out there – you make your way.  You beat back the odds and you drive.  Drive to your goals.  You beat the drum.  You set your pace.  You have got this.  Every day – you have got it right there in your hands.

Do it.  Do it now.  Do it hard.  Make those around you know that you were there.  Don’t go timid. The word General Patton used:  Bumptious.  Self-assertive or proud to an irritating degree.

Go out there.  Make yourself proud of what you are.  Don’t listen to the detractors.  Be yourself.

FMR. 

Reference:  http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/08/21/manvotional-a-letter-from-general-george-s-patton-to-his-son/

What are champions made of?

You measure yourself every day.  You take what you did yesterday and you judge yourself.  You mark progress or regression.  You decide if you are a champion yesterday - and you decide each morning if you will be a champion today.

But what does that mean?  Did you win?  Did you lose?  Who defines a champion?
You Do.  You develop your metrics - you develop the scale.  You develop what you think is success.

Yesterday was the worst day ever.  You were dumbest yesterday.  You were fattest yesterday.  You were slowest yesterday.  You made mistakes yesterday.  You weren't where you wanted to be yesterday.  You didn't get what you wanted yesterday.  You couldn't make it yesterday.

But that was yesterday.  That was the past.  You CAN'T CHANGE IT - YOU CAN'T ADJUST TO THE PAST!

But you can learn from it.  You can take the lessons learned and build on those.  Or you can tear out what you built because it did not work and do something better today.

Today is yours.  You have identified what you want to do.  Now you make a plan to dynamite the barriers in front of you to get where you want to go.

I was raised on World War 2 movies - there is a scene after the Allies have landed - in the movie "The Longest Day" General Cota and Colonel Thompson interact about where they are and what they will be doing: (at 2:33:14 for those with Netflix...)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQHKKGPUD1I

_______
Colonel Thompson : What do you think?
General Cota:  Think?
Colonel Thompson: We must have close to a thousand casualties up to now.  Do you want me to have the ships start picking us up?
Cota: You think it's that bad?
Colonel Thompson: I don't see what else to do.  We can't get up this hill.  If we don't get off this beach, we won't have any division left.
Cota: What? These are our men, Tom. You think we brought them in so some die and ask the rest to turn tail?  Hell, no.  We're gonna get up that hill.  Find me somebody to speak for the Rangers.  Back down the beach on the right there's a gully.  With a heavily defended roadblock and machine gun nests on both sides.  If we can blow our way through...
Colonel Thompson:  We've hit it three times.  We didn't get close.
Cota:  Three times isn't enough.  We're gonna hit it again.  Can you find me some engineers?
Colonel Thompson:  They're all around you!
Cota:  I mean engineers with equipment still working.
Colonel Thompson:  Then I shouldn't radio the ships?
Cota:  No, damn it!  We need bangalore torpedoes, bazookas, mortars, wire cutters...and every man that can stand.  Pass the word, will you?
Colonel Thompson:  Okay, Norm.
Cota:  Now listen to me, all of you.  You guys got to snap out of it.  We're getting off of here, and we're going inland.
Soldier:  What about weapons, General? My men lost everything. They gotta have something to fight with.
Cota:  Strip the dead and the wounded.  Pick up anything that'll shoot.  I don't have to tell you the score,
you all know it. Only two kinds of people are gonna stay on this beach:
Those that are already dead and those that will die. Get off your butts!  You guys are the fighting 29th!
________

Do you see what I mean?  Do you see what you have to do?  Have you tried three times and it failed all three times?  Did you slap the title "LOSER" on your head and staple it there because - damn it was hard and I failed and now I am an eternal loser....

You pick up whatever you need that will do the job.  You add skills, education, endurance, ability, and you drive through until you get what you need done. Sometimes it is "wet work," meaning that it is up close and personal - knives and close contact to get the work done.  

Here is the simple equation.  You woke up this morning.  You have landed on your proverbial beach head - ready to do battle.  If you stay on the beach - you will make no progress - likely you will "die" there.  Like Cota says above - two types of people stay on the beach - those that are dead - and those that will die.  Your goal is to move inland.

Inland.  Not safe.  Not easy.  Barriers everywhere.  Saboteurs, snipers, land mines, traps, walls, spikes, flames, and sometimes it will test your very mettle of your spirit to get through.  What are you prepared to do?  Stay on the beach?  Die there.  Or.

Move inland.  Move it.  Do something.  Make a move.  Action.  Brain to feet to hands to heart - get your move on and don't look back.  Backwards is scarier.  Backwards is where the past gets buried and you move forward.

Don't stay on the beach.  Straight up the gap and make those barriers in your way suffer as you make your way to your goal.  Champions are not made on the beach.  No medal is awarded for landing.
FMR

-What do you think?
-Think?
We must have close to a thousand
casualties up to now.
Do you want me to have the ships
start picking us up?
-You think it's that bad?
-I don't see what else to do.
We can't get up this hill.
If we don't get off this beach,
we won't have any division left.
What?
These are our men, Tom.
You think we brought them in so some
die and ask the rest to turn tail?
Hell, no.
We're gonna get up that hill.
Find me somebody to speak
for the Rangers.
Back down the beach
on the right there's a gully.
With a heavily defended roadblock
and machine gun nests on both sides.
-If we can blow our way through...
-We've hit it three times.
-We didn't get close.
-Three times isn't enough.
We're gonna hit it again.
Can you find me some engineers?
They're all around you!
I mean engineers
with equipment still working.
Then I shouldn't radio the ships?
No, damn it!
We need bangalore torpedoes,
bazookas, mortars, wire cutters...
...and every man that can stand.
Pass the word, will you?
Okay, Norm.
Now listen to me, all of you.
You guys got to snap out of it.
We're getting off of here,
and we're going inland.
What about weapons, General?
My men lost everything.
They gotta have something
to fight with.
Strip the dead and the wounded.
Pick up anything that'll shoot.
I don't have to tell you the score,
you all know it.
Only two kinds of people
are gonna stay on this beach:
Those that are already dead and those
that will die. Get off your butts!
You guys are the fighting 29th!

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=longest-day-the

-What about the 1 st Division?
-They're hung up, sir.
Like we are.
Move out.
-What do you think?
-Think?
We must have close to a thousand
casualties up to now.
Do you want me to have the ships
start picking us up?
-You think it's that bad?
-I don't see what else to do.
We can't get up this hill.
If we don't get off this beach,
we won't have any division left.
What?
These are our men, Tom.
You think we brought them in so some
die and ask the rest to turn tail?
Hell, no.
We're gonna get up that hill.
Find me somebody to speak
for the Rangers.
Back down the beach
on the right there's a gully.
With a heavily defended roadblock
and machine gun nests on both sides.
-If we can blow our way through...
-We've hit it three times.
-We didn't get close.
-Three times isn't enough.
We're gonna hit it again.
Can you find me some engineers?
They're all around you!
I mean engineers
with equipment still working.
Then I shouldn't radio the ships?
No, damn it!
We need bangalore torpedoes,
bazookas, mortars, wire cutters...
...and every man that can stand.
Pass the word, will you?
Okay, Norm.
Now listen to me, all of you.
You guys got to snap out of it.
We're getting off of here,
and we're going inland.
What about weapons, General?
My men lost everything.
They gotta have something
to fight with.
Strip the dead and the wounded.
Pick up anything that'll shoot.
I don't have to tell you the score,
you all know it.
Only two kinds of people
are gonna stay on this beach:
Those that are already dead and those
that will die. Get off your butts!
You guys are the fighting 29th!

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=longest-day-the-What about the 1 st Division?

-They're hung up, sir.
Like we are.
Move out.
-What do you think?
-Think?
We must have close to a thousand
casualties up to now.
Do you want me to have the ships
start picking us up?
-You think it's that bad?
-I don't see what else to do.
We can't get up this hill.
If we don't get off this beach,
we won't have any division left.
What?
These are our men, Tom.
You think we brought them in so some
die and ask the rest to turn tail?
Hell, no.
We're gonna get up that hill.
Find me somebody to speak
for the Rangers.
Back down the beach
on the right there's a gully.
With a heavily defended roadblock
and machine gun nests on both sides.
-If we can blow our way through...
-We've hit it three times.
-We didn't get close.
-Three times isn't enough.
We're gonna hit it again.
Can you find me some engineers?
They're all around you!
I mean engineers
with equipment still working.
Then I shouldn't radio the ships?
No, damn it!
We need bangalore torpedoes,
bazookas, mortars, wire cutters...
...and every man that can stand.
Pass the word, will you?
Okay, Norm.
Now listen to me, all of you.
You guys got to snap out of it.
We're getting off of here,
and we're going inland.
What about weapons, General?
My men lost everything.
They gotta have something
to fight with.
Strip the dead and the wounded.
Pick up anything that'll shoot.
I don't have to tell you the score,
you all know it.
Only two kinds of people
are gonna stay on this beach:
Those that are already dead and those
that will die. Get off your butts!
You guys are the fighting 29th!

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=longest-day-the

-What about the 1 st Division?
-They're hung up, sir.
Like we are.
Move out.
-What do you think?
-Think?
We must have close to a thousand
casualties up to now.
Do you want me to have the ships
start picking us up?
-You think it's that bad?
-I don't see what else to do.
We can't get up this hill.
If we don't get off this beach,
we won't have any division left.
What?
These are our men, Tom.
You think we brought them in so some
die and ask the rest to turn tail?
Hell, no.
We're gonna get up that hill.
Find me somebody to speak
for the Rangers.
Back down the beach
on the right there's a gully.
With a heavily defended roadblock
and machine gun nests on both sides.
-If we can blow our way through...
-We've hit it three times.
-We didn't get close.
-Three times isn't enough.
We're gonna hit it again.
Can you find me some engineers?
They're all around you!
I mean engineers
with equipment still working.
Then I shouldn't radio the ships?
No, damn it!
We need bangalore torpedoes,
bazookas, mortars, wire cutters...
...and every man that can stand.
Pass the word, will you?
Okay, Norm.
Now listen to me, all of you.
You guys got to snap out of it.
We're getting off of here,
and we're going inland.
What about weapons, General?
My men lost everything.
They gotta have something
to fight with.
Strip the dead and the wounded.
Pick up anything that'll shoot.
I don't have to tell you the score,
you all know it.
Only two kinds of people
are gonna stay on this beach:
Those that are already dead and those
that will die. Get off your butts!
You guys are the fighting 29th!

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=longest-day-the

My own Capone... Knives, guns, hospitals, morgues.

I am a runner - not as fast as the guys trying to break the sound barrier - but I move in my own pace - grind out my own runs.  I run.  For long distances.  Not as long as the ultra runners - but I may do that some day.
During my rest day - Sunday - the day after 16.2 miles of fun running - I was cleaning the kitchen. Not my most favorite thing to do - but the kids were in bed - meaning - the twins were in bed but protesting.  So I put on a classic movie from my childhood.

The Untouchables.

Now I know what you are thinking - "Dave - Mr. Fat Man Running - your childhood included that movie?  You must be tainted in some way."
The movies from my youth are varied.  I enjoyed Bedknobs and Broomsticks - but also Saving Private Ryan.  So if you are judging me - go ahead - I don't care.

Back to The Untouchables - there is the scene in the Church - when Elliot Ness is talking with his new mentor - Jimmy Malone - and they are discussing the "how" to "get" Capone.  If you are familiar with this - it involves escalating the argument till you win.  Escalation - ratcheting up your determination because you will win.  You will win because you take more guts and determination.  Knives, guns, hospitals, morgues.

So, the question becomes - what is your Capone?  What are you willing to grind up to make energy to face your Capone?  I have mine - I know what it is - and I know it is going to be a hard struggle.  But I will win.  I will conquer and I will do whatever it takes to win.

Will Smith - not afraid to die on a treadmill:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doqS35FfcUE
Al Pacino - the six inches in front of your face:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4tIrjBDkk

Inches - play by play - what are you going to do to win?
Do you set down the "Sorry I'm Me" and crawl out of the place you have put yourself in.  And win.
Winning matters.  Effort matters.  YOU MATTER!
Finding yourself in a battle for yourself - Meeting your Capone.  You fight for the inches around you. You claw and tear till you win.
You know it makes the difference between winning and losing - living and dying.
You choose to live today.  I choose to LIVE today.
You go out and find your Capone - and you escalate till you win.
Win.
No holds barred - fighting for you - fighting for your goal.
Knives.  Guns.  Hospitals.  Morgues.  YOU DON'T END UP IN THE MORGUE.
You put Capone there.  Because today - today - at this minute you choose to win.  And you do it.
Win.
FMR

The Grind

Many men - get up each morning - and some don't.  I count myself lucky to have arisen from my bed and to stride forth upon the earth.  It has been some time since I put fingers to keys to empty my brain of the thoughts I have had.  And there are many.

1. I am still alive
2. Running is good for me - and I find more of it.
3. I can do whatever I want.  I get to choose.

When I think about running I find so many parallels to life and to trials and tribulation.

1. Running is not for everyone.
2. However far I go out - I have to come back.
3. Pain is temporary in a run.
4. Pride has no place in a run.  
5. How you look does not matter while you run.
6. The distance can be whatever your mind chooses it to be.  You want to go 10 you go 10.  If you want to go 26.2 you get to go all the way.
7. No matter how far you go - you are all by yourself.   There is nobody else out there but you and your Creator.
8. When you realize #7 you can have a greater understanding of how you connect with everything around you.
9. The farther you go - the harder you go - the closer you will know your limits.  If you don't go as far as you can - then you will never know to what limits you can go.
10. Running in the heat is brutal - running in the cold is a different type of brutality.
11. 96 degrees is hot.  Five miles in hot is something of an issue.
12. If you are going on a long run - 16+ miles - make sure that the time of year is conducive to the latrines being open to the public.  If not you crap in the woods, by a picnic table, and luckily it is dark outside and you are in the tree line.
13. Toenails grow back.  Or they fall off in the pool.  Or they turn black.  Or you don't really need them anyway.
14. I, so far, don't know how far I can go - I need to find that limit.  
15. Food is just fuel. So don't waste time on food that does nothing for our fuel.  
16. Carrying twins across the finish line of a marathon can be taxing - but survivable.
17. Early morning runs are odd - nobody is awake yet - and when you are running in the winter it is awfully fun to come out of a cloud of snow and scare the bejeezus out of someone who is scraping their window on their car.
18. Runners acknowledge other runners - or cyclists - or four wheelers - or birds - or dogs.
19. People will question your sanity.  They will question your motives.  They will question your choice in shoes.  They will question your treatment of others while you are running.  They will question why you are running at all.  They will question your ability to reason after a run.  They will demean you as someone who has lost contact with the real world.  Your family will wonder why you are not at home but on a run.  You will in polite conversation tell people that you have run "Fill-in-the-blank" miles that month or year - they will question your use of drugs.

Don't ever give up on what you will want to do and how you will want to do it.  Never give up on your dreams or your opportunity to fulfill your dreams.  You can conquer your fears and you can make yourself what you want to be.  Open your mind up to the grind  Open your mind up and pour in the grit and the determination to do what you want to do and how you want to do it.  Don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do.  Don't give an inch to someone who wants an emotional beach head into your soul.  Kick the ass of anyone that deserves it.  Be prepared in every instance of your life to conquer and burn the village down to prove a point.  I have the same metal in me that you have in you.  I want to find the limits of what I have been given.  I want to push as long and as hard as I can and I want to achieve great things and do great things.  The only way to do those things and make the impact I want - is to sacrifice everything I have on the altar of success and suck it up and go.  Are you willing to go along with me?  Your journey is your journey and mine is mine - let us make the best of ours.

Dave

Ahh... I am a Bricoleur... A tinkerer of my own destiny....

I, am a fat man.  And I run.
I have learned a few things in my life.
1.  I make what I want of the world.
2.  I make my own luck.
3.  If I run over 30 miles a week - it is a good week.
4.  Pick your poison - but running is my antidote for most of the things.
5.  If you want to be a victim - go ahead - but don't play that card with me - it annoys me.

People balk at the idea that you can do whatever you want to do if you set your mind to it.  There were people who did not want electric lights - they were called the Lamp Lighters Guild.  Yeah. Losers.
Losers always complain about doing their best.  But I digress.
I don't want to call anyone out - or make them feel bad.  That is not my point.  My point is that you CAN do whatever you want to do.  If you want to be a doctor then do it.  You want to be a painter - do it.  You want to ride elephants do it.  You want to be the best at what you have been choose to do?  Do it.  Don't dig around in your bag of tricks for the victim card.  The woe is me because something happened to you and you can't fix it.  Of course you can fix it. It might be painful and it might be unenjoyable - but you can fix it.  You can do it.  You can make the choice to make the up or down decision.  You can hold the line - battle to the last - and make your choice.  But, you make the choice.

I went running today.  Not out in the bright wonderful sunshine - but in the gym.  On a treadmill.  For 13.3 miles.  The treadmill only has a small brain.  It does not understand anything over an hour.  So you have to restart yourself every hour on the hour or it dies.  It then needs to be coaxed back to life and then it has to know you want to go all the way again.  All the way. Not half way.  Not a quarter.  The entire distance.  I am not the fastest man in the world.  Sir Roger Bannister would lap me four times every mile.  He was a miler.  The best.  I am consistently a 5.6 MPH runner.  That means I go 5.6 Miles Per Hour.  Literally per hour I go 5.6 miles.  So I had to restart twice.

My point is - that I would rather have been out in the air and the sunshine.  But I made due with what I had - and that was a treadmill and the time I had on hand.  I did with what I had.  If you look up Bricoleur - they tinker with what they have and make something different.  That is what you can do with your life.

Not to get academic on you - but there is the story of the Mann Gulch Disaster.  Short of it - firefighters land at a fire site in Montana at 410PM - thinking it will be a small fire - something they can conquer by 10AM the next day.  At 540PM - the fire jumped the gulch - and began to burn up behind the fire fighters - and by 556PM - 13 of them were dead and three survived.  This is an interesting read on many fronts.  The article is linked below:
http://www.nifc.gov/safety/mann_gulch/suggested_reading/The_Collapse_of_Sensemaking_in_Organizations_The_Mann_Gulch.pdf

So if in your life - you land at 410 - what will you do to survive past 556?  You make your life different.  You do something different.  You make yourself into something that will adapt and live.  You assess the situation - and you change.  In my life - I decide to run so I won't die early.  You make your life what you want.  You do what you have to do to survive the next day.  The next mile.  the next struggle.  You choose.
I choose to run.  Not fast - but consistent and I will win my own race.

Fat Cells Crying

Have you ever been on a run and let the music be your guide?  I was running on a treadmill at work - not because I can't run outside - but I did not have the time to today.  SO I got onto the treadmill and popped in my ipod and ran like a rat on a string for 4.5 miles.  Not too bad of a run - I was averaging 09:30 miles and kept up a good pace with a rest in the middle to question my sanity.  But at the 3.2 mile mark a song came on that I could not just do a cool down for five minutes - and I tried.
The song?  I would do anything for love.  By Meat Loaf So I hit that song - and I knew that my version for some reason went for 11 minutes.  So what do you do?  You punch it.  You keep going and you make the most of your next 11 minutes.  Your brain is going "dude - that is Meatloaf - you gotta keep going."  Your heart is going at 172 beats per minutes - and is liking this a lot.  The rest of the body is going "Dude you will regret this later.  When you are in your cube and try to get up and your hip seizes up on you - Meat Loaf won't be there to help you."

The one part of the body that you don't need to listen to is the fat cells.  Yeah they are comfortable.  They are parts of the bacon wrapped scallops that you had for dinner last night.  They are the Lorna Doone cookies that you had a while ago.  Did I mention the cobbler from last night?  Three servings...

But you know what?  At mile three the fat started to suffer.  The cells started to die off.  Miserable little butter cells that have holed up for several years.  I think that they suffer.  Then spontaneously explode - and it is always easier to gain the weight through the mouth - but harder to destroy it and shove it out through the pores.

Sometimes you have do dig deep.  Find that pop tart you had and sacrifice it to the furnace of desire and throw out the detritus that shackles you.  Be free.  Run Hard.  Make the fat suffer.
FMR

Gibbs Rule #39

Gibbs Rule #39

There is no such thing as a coincidence.  Everything happens for a reason.  Leroy Jethro Gibbs says so.  So it is gospel.  So why do I say this?  Because in the last two weeks I have found that nothing ever happens without a reason or without result.
So when I go out for a run - I run with the purpose of solving my problems in my head.  Sometimes it is a spreadsheet and a problem with reporting.  Sometimes it is an issue at work.  Sometimes it is to run the anger out of my system.  Sometimes it is to give my soul absolution for tough decisions.  Running for me is a vehicle that when treated the right way is therapy for the soul.  So let me run you through my coincidences.
1.  I lose my job at UHC.
2.  I get my PMP.
3.  I get another job.
4.  I don't fit with that job.
5.  Another job that I had applied to earlier calls me.  Reopens the position that was closed so I can apply.
6.  Job I don't fit in - tells me so.
7.  Other job offers me a job - and better environment and longer term opportunity.

Coincidence?  I don't operate that way.  Things happen for a reason.  Activities happen for a reason.  Issues arise so you can learn.  All things mount and build.

On my run today - I thought on what I have learned where I am - but I need to know more - and I need to grow into what I need to be.  Work it out.  Learn it out.  Run it out.
FMR.

Give Me This Mountain

Link to my run

I have taken to running at lunch.  It is better than a nap.  Food is something that, unless with friends, takes me about ten minutes tops to ingest and move on.  

So let me describe my run.  Well let me begin with the map.  I started a map at www.mapmyrun.com and planned out a run that would go up and around and back to work.  The problem with a plan, and as Jack Reacher would say:  

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."  

Now I did not get punched in the mouth - but as I was out running I changed course.  I was running in the direction of the Avenues - but then changed course to run down South Temple.  Then I was near Memory Grove - but I did not go up the slight incline in Memory Grove - I changed course - and went straight up State Street and looped around the State Capitol and then I went into the City Creek Canyon - ending up going up into City Creek Canyon for 3/4 of a mile and then ended going back down through Memory Grove and then back to work along South Temple.  I was looking for five miles and got handed 5.6.  

So here is how this worked.  I began my run - and calculated in my head that I was going to be able to do whatever I thought I could do.  And I did just that.  I thought I would take the easier way into Memory Grove - but I did not.  I took the high road.  Literally.  I took the road that went straight up the hill and climbed the fault line.  Why?  Because I knew I could do it.  Now you must know that I am not a speedy runner by any sort.  I just keep going.  I figure that distance cannot kill you - just take it at your own pace.  You can do anything that you want to do.  Just do it reasonably.  I have a guy at work that says "You did not go out and run (fill in the blank) distance."  I hate to rain on that parade but I did do it.  I did do that.  I will probably do it again.  Again.  And Again.  

Why do I do it?  Why do you run during a time you could be sitting on your computer and fretting about Climate Change?  Simple. Sphere of what you can control - influence - and concern:

1. I can't control Climate Change
2. I can't influence Climate Change
3. But I can be concerned about it. 

On the other side of the spectrum - I can:

1. Choose how to use my time
2. Choose to go exercise and get my heart rate up
3. Take out the "trash" from work and sort through things
4. Make myself a little bit better

Running is something that I can control.  I can do it because I want to do it.  I can do it because I like to.  I can control when I do it and how I do it and how fast I go.  I can make the effort to push myself a little bit harder and go a little bit farther.  I can control it.  Which makes me more powerful because I choose to do it.

So I choose to run up the mountain.  Why do I run up the mountain?  Because I know I need it.  I know that I need to get up that mountain and I need to know that I can do it still.  In the Good Book - the "thick" Good Book - it talks of Caleb in Joshua (listen to Spencer Kimball).  Go to minute 6.

To quote Caleb.  "Give Me This Mountain."  

I look at what I do in this life - I don't want to remember my "Egyptian Slavery" or my "fill-in-the-blank" because I am afraid.  Afraid of something tough.  Take the low road because it is easier.  Go Slower because I don't want to do it.  The mountain will always be there.  Wander for 40 years in the wilderness of affliction - hoping that the giants leave and they leave the gates open.  Not happening.

So Caleb was 85 years old.  The giants were still in the land.  The topography was still the same.  But Caleb did not care who was in the land.  He did not care what was there.  He knew he could, with The Lord, with Faith in the God of Israel.  The selfsame God of Elijah - who (link) brings down the fire from heaven and mocks those who worship the dumb idol.  Caleb believes the promises of God.

So that is how I run.  I don't believe that the course I plot will kill me.  I don't believe that I will be the fastest man out there.  But, I do believe, that I will go out, and I will come back.  I will use my body as I need to and I will do what I need to do.  I will try myself, and I will test myself.  Give me the run. Give me the mountain.

FMR

Math and Life

I have been thinking.  Which for some people is a trial - but for some a journey.  Life is a journey.  So I had better be thinking about it as I go along.

I was out on a run last week.  My primary thought was - everything is about math.  The equation of life is difficult, complex, rife with variables, and in the end it all equals what we put into it.

I am a firm believer that you have control over your life.  You can do what you want.  You can be a dreamer, atheist, or a believer.  You can make your bed every day - go to work every day.  You can choose your profession and you can choose your mate.  You can choose to have children, and you can choose to love.  All of these things I have mentioned are just variables in the equation.

If you want to adjust the equation - you can do that.  You can take things out and you can put things in.  Do you want to be out of debt?  Then quit spending your money on things that don't matter.  You want to be skinny?  Then quit using the butter, flour, and sugar as your main food groups.  You want to be smarter?  Go and learn something.  You want to be a rock star?  Learn to sing and dance.  Or at least learn how to dance.  Singing and dancing sometimes don't work well together.

It is all about math and how you work the equation.  If you want something different then you need to adjust what you are putting into the equation.  You want to run faster.  Get skinnier.  You want to be a guitarist?  Do that.  Go get the guitar and you practice till your finger bleed and you can play well.  Do you want to limit yourself by what you have been given?  Sure that is is the easy path.  That is the path of the victim.  Someone who blames others because of something they don't have or something they were not ready to make the sacrifice to get.  Life all boils down to math.

I was thinking about this on my run.  I was thinking about my own personal math equation.  What balances my life and gives it meaning?  I don't think I can answer that without revealing my own personal equation.  But I can tell you some of the elements of the equation.  Mine begins with my family, branches out into others, and resonates with a belief in Higher Powers beyond me.  

My actions and my goals feed my equation.  If I want to run faster - I need to quit eating fruit snacks and Dr. Pepper.  If I want to get a better job then I need to make myself attractive enough that someone else wants what I am selling.  Me.  If I want a better marriage I need to focus more on my wife and less on me and more on my son.  If I want to be a better neighbor I need to help those that I am around and become a better neighbor.  

Can you see how the equation gets more complicated the more you drill into it?  Can you see the intricate numerals and wild card integers that float and move each day?  That is the math of life.  If you want something different add or subtract what you want.  I have found that the way one lives is in direct correlation to how they formulate their equation.  If you want to have all the money in the world - then start collecting what The Almighty uses as pavement.  Make your equation matter.  Make it something that others want to take parts of your equation and mirror it in theirs.  

Happiness is a math equation that gives your life purpose.  Make the math count.  Make your life count.  Run your race as fast as you can - or as consistently as you plan.  I want to make mine count.  I want the product of my life to be what I have put into it.  The product of my product.

FMR

Deseret News 26.2

Welcome.  Let me tell you a few insights into my mind.  I was able to run the Deseret News Marathon on Pioneer Day in Utah - 7/24/13.  It took me a while.  5 Hours 10 minutes.  That may seem like a long time.  It is.  In fact it was long enough that I had trouble finding music on my ipod that I had not listened to.  I had one real goal for this marathon. 

Keep Moving.

Keep Going.

One foot in front of the other - don't stop.

Make progress.

I was not out to compete with the winner of the marathon and see if I could beat him.  I was out to make myself better.  To fend off the fatigue and the hurt and get to the next mile.

My epiphany?

All of your life is going to be like a marathon.  All of your trials and tribulations are going to be like a marathon.  All of your life can be measured in a length of time.  Your life is going to be encapsulated and compartmentalized into your actions - and at the end of your life you will measure what your success will be.  Some people measure success in their lives as the amount of cash you have on hand when the bell rings.  Negative Ghost Rider - that pattern is full.  You can't take money with you and success is measured by what you contributed to the world around you and not your assets left behind.

I digress.

So how is my life like a marathon?  Marathons are hard.  They are arduos events that tax your energy and your soul.  They take your efforts and wring them out and thump on them and test how long your brittle frame will last.  Marathons are like life.  You don't know when the pearly gates will open and you will shuffle off of this mortal coil.  That is not for you to know.  All you need to know is that you are in the race.  The difference is that in a Marathon you get mile markers that tell you where you are.  Mile 13, Mile 18, Mile 23.  You get those so that you can mark your pace and understand where you are.  Life is a little bit different.  You don't get the signs - you don't get the markers so you know that you can push it a little bit more, to measure how much is left in your tank.  You don't get that measuring stick.  There is no sign that says - "Hey you have 2 years left in your life, push it up and do some good here!"

Just as in life - just as in a marathon.  You need to keep going.  You may not know what the next turn brings - but you do know the length of the race.  You have been given a definite beginning - because you are here - and you have been given a definite end - because someday you will punch the ticket and take the eternal ride.

I think that the Marathon and Life have a lot of similarities.  Each one will beat you up in some way - but you need to have the resolve to step up your game and make the next step.  Just keep moving and just make the effort.  People who change the world show up.  They show up because they want to make a difference. 

That is what I felt like on the course.  I knew how long the race was but I wanted to make a difference to me.  I wanted to prove a point to myself that says "I will make it, and I will keep moving."  On my desk I have a quote:

"I don't intend on walking through my life tentatively making a statement.  I intend on making a definitive statement - to mash the objective, to leave no doubt as to where I was, or whether I was here.  Mash it, make a statement."

I don't think my purpose on this orb is to pass through like a breeze.  Me thinks that my purpose is to thunder down the side of the hill, gaining speed and direction, knocking down my goals and objectives and making my mark.  I don't know if it is Mile 24 or Mile 5 but making the best of it is my job.

FMR

Memorial Day Run

Here is a pass for the train of my thoughts.  Lets start shall we?
Today was a long run.  I front loaded my week so I would have Saturday free to go and visit my dead people.  So today was a 12 mile run.  You know you have gone fully over to the dark side when you think "Yeah - it was ONLY 12 miles."  I ran from my home - through Sugar House - up to Wasatch Drive - over through the Golf Course - Past Hogle Zoo - through Research Park - Through Fort Douglas - and then turned around.  I did it in 2 hours and 18 Minutes.  Which is respectable in Fat Men social circles.

I will tell you of my issue.  I have a play list on my iPod.  It is fairly eclectic.  I have songs on there from bagpipes to rap to Classical and Jody Calls from the military.  That was not my problem.

The problem was at mile 11.85.  Almost home.  A song came on my play list that caused me to tear up and break up while running my last .15 miles.

The Mansions of The Lord - Sung by the USMC.


"To fallen soldiers let us sing."
"Where no rockets fly and no bullets wing"
"No more bleeding - no more fight.  No friends bleeding through the night."
"Let no mothers cry and no children weep.  We will stand and guard though the angels sleep."
"Oh through the ages safely keep.  The mansions of the Lord."

Those are just a few lines from the song.  But you imagine.  Come with me.  Come back to the wars and the conflicts that we know of.

The Dane bare chested and horns on the head - The Scot with his claymore and kilt.  Antietam, Bull Run, Gettysburg.  All of those that gave all - and stood in line before this world began so that I could be where I am and have the freedom I have.  Those that gave as Abraham Lincoln said "The Last Full Measure of Devotion."

Look up your line and know that there have been those that have sacrificed all that they have had to come along the path to hand off to their posterity the ability and opportunity to get to a better place.  Think of your freedom and of your life.  I did.  I think that I have the opportunity to effect the world around me and to stand a little bit taller because off those that have passed on before.

So for this Memorial day - visit those that have taken that step.  Those that have gone on before you and as you lay the flowers down - know that they laid their lives down for you - and that you - you knew them and they knew you because we are all one big family.  Comfort those that
'have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom." Abraham Lincoln.

Fly the flag.  Be proud of who you are.  Be proud of those that gave you all.

FMR

Don't Look Back.

Today was a gut run.  You know the type of run I speak of I think.  It is a run that you need to do, that will be good for you, but your critical thinking portion of your brain says "Stay at your computer, maybe an email will come through and you will feel useful."

I wasn't going to let that happen. I did not want that to happen.  So I looked at the mileage sheet that my wife so wonderfully provided for me, and it said "3" meaning today was going to be a quick 3 rather than a long 18 or a short 12.  So I went for the run.  I went up the hills and across the foothills and through the traffic and over a couple of cross walks and then I was done.  I pushed myself because I could.  I pushed myself because I know that for the rest of the day I get to sit on my butt and handle issues or crisis or any number of tasks that might arise.  But, my run is done for the day.

So let me share with you a few kernels of wisdom that I had mashing around in my brain.

1.  Don't ever look back.  The past is something that you cannot change because it is done and you can't do anything else to change it now.  I hearken to Roger Bannister and John Landy - John lost his focus in the last few meters of the race and Roger blew past him to secure the race.  Don't ever look back.

2.  Don't ever stop.  If you stop you begin to tighten up and lose your resolve.  You won't have the ability to get up the next hill or the next mile. If you stop it will invariably take longer to get back home.  Back to your kids, your tasks, and your life.  Wait.  Maybe you do need to stop.  On second thought don't stop.  The one thing about running is that you get to go all the way out and all the way back.  You are in control of what you are doing and how you will accomplish it.  Don't muddle through a run - just go out and do it and get it done.  Unless you are truly injured, bleeding, or your leg has fallen off - get to it.  Your run awaits.

3.  You are in control.  You decide how fast to go - how long to go - your pace - and in the end, the results.  You get to choose where to go.  I apologize to all those that lived under Communist Running dictatorships where they told you how far and how long and what to do.  You choose.  You go.  Go do.

4.  Excuses.  Don't Live them, don't water them, don't repeat them, don't encourage them, don't appease them, don't love them, don't help them.  Like a avalanche of fire rolling down the mountain burning everything in it's path, exploding trees by boiling the sap from within, clearing whole swaths of the mountain and charging onward.  Don't timidly step out on the street, bull out there and make your statement.  You are your own nemesis.  Make your mark.

5.  Demons.  Name them.  Mark them.  Hunt them.  Kill them.  Win.

FMR

5.95 Boston Miles - 1 Hour 7 Minutes of contemplation.

As you enter the stream of my thoughts - bring a boat and a paddle.  For the flow is crazy.

Yesterday - 4/15/13 - I discovered via a news feed that a misguided individual or group, had decided to inflict mayhem and terror to runners and spectators at the Boston Marathon.  I don't know why a group would do that, and I don't understand their motive or their goal.  Hurting people is not how you get your message across - it is not how you get someone to listen to you - and it is not how you see results that last longer than when you no longer have the bomb or the gun pointed at my head.

My wife has explained to me that runners have an "internal locus of control" vs. an "external locus of control."  To bring that down to my cave man understanding - runners believe that they can control themselves and their environment - to act rather than to be acted upon.  Runners push through with a belief that they can conquer the next hill in front of them, the next mile that looms so large.  Runners don't start a race thinking they won't finish.  They believe that they have trained hard and long to get there and they understand their limits and their abilities.  Runners don't set out to fail. They plan, plan, plan, and plan some more.  They experiment with shoes and goo and hills and roads and snow and cold and rain and shine.  Runners purely do. 

So.  I went to bed late last night with the news in my eyes of the day.  I watched the bombs going off and I watched Americans do what Americans do.  They run towards the blast and they tear down the barriers and they use whatever is nearby to stop the blood - to carry the wounded, and they go the distance because that is what Americans do.  You grab a lanyard from around your neck and you stop the life from pumping from a gash caused by a cowardly blast.  I was not there.  I don't know what was going on.  I don't know who did it.  I don't know why.

But.  I know that inside - I am the same as those that lost their lives.  Color, creed, etc., are of no consequence when danger comes calling.  You take away the safety of one or a hundred Americans - we close the ranks around those that have been injured or threatened and we protect them, help them, love them, and care for them.  Why?  Because that is what Americans do. 

So, I had been watching my Facebook feed and there were running clubs around the US that were going on a run to show solidarity with their fellow Americans.  I read those.  I contemplated them.  I have a job.  It had an hours window of opportunity for me to go on a run. 

Now let me explain to you how I run.  I am slow.  I am not fast.  My marathon times is clocked in increments of 5 hours.  But I felt something different today.  I left the iPod at home.  I strapped on the shoes, put on my St. George Marathon 2011 shirt and I went out for a run.  Some would not call it running.  Others would call it shuffling.  Today I call it:  Boston. 

I don't know the three people who died in the bomb blast.  I don't know their lives or where they were going or where they came from.  My simple connection is that they were the same as me.  Sons and Daughters of God.  Placed here on earth to learn and to grow and to fulfill a measure of the opportunities that The Almighty had put here for them.  A coward stole those next moments from them.  I cannot do a thing to restore them - but I can remember them.  I can remember that when I take a breath - when I run a mile - when I hug my son and my wife that I have time they didn't, and won't.  I can remember that they were plucked off this mortal coil and I need to make every day count and every moment matter.

That is the "internal" locus of control  No matter how hard the wind blows, and no matter the battering that takes place - I can still make a better world each day that I shuffle forth.  God bless those that have left us and God bless us that have the opportunity to continue our run.

Essense Of Running

I had a run today - it was a Ranger Run - 5 miles.  My wife dropped Henry and I off at school and I had the privilege to run back home.  I was thinking about the essence of running.  What does it mean and where am I headed?

That of course is something that only I can answer - and so I will.  Running grants me some small freedoms.  It allows me to become disconnected from the world around me and to become independent of the electronic clutters this fair world.  Running helps me to push the sun back into the sky and to draw a few more breaths later in my life when it will matter more to me the days that I spend with my grand children and possibly my great grand children playing games with them and having them smile.  It allows me that time to look into their eyes and see the eternities spread before them.  Some would regret the time spent out there on the road.  The alone time that lets you become acquainted with yourself.  I don't regret that time because hopefully the moments spent now build a bank of time that I would not otherwise have.

Running does that to me.  Running gives me the vehicle in which I can keep the demons at bay that might end me early.  Diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and other health issues hang on my family tree.  But if I work at what I have been given, and work at making myself fitter, faster, and capable maybe I will just live a little bit longer and enjoy the life that I am saving for one run at a time.

Each person has their own drive - and their own desires.  I have the opportunity to lengthen my life by every step that I take and every pair of shoes that I wear out.  That is a worthwhile goal - to wear out so many pairs of shoes that the doctor that visits me close to the dying day will not see a pile of worn out shoes but a pile of extra memories and opportunities to hold the little hands and run down the long hills together with those that matter most.

Yes, lets pile the shoes and memories together.  Lets us go the distance together my friends. 

Dave

Quitters.

"thousand miles to be travelled, start with foot (placed) down".

To you that know me.  I am not a philosopher.  I tend to take things literally.  Very literally.  My wonderful spouse gets tight in the eyes when my Inner Viking starts the neighbors house on fire and is looking for glass to pack into the cannon.  Gone are the days of plunder and carrying off the women.  So when I begin my trial of 1000 miles - I reflect on the inner me.  On my brain and my heart and the fuel within me that keeps me going.

Introspection is not one of my strong suits - but what I find in my heart and in my soul is a drive.  Drive to go the next step and drive to get it done.  I find that I don't want to quit - that goals that I put no paper mean something and that what I say means something and that what I do speaks more volumes than are in a library.

Let me illustrate this point to you in 4.5 miles that I did today.  It is smoggy outside, 25 degrees was the high today.  I had been busy all day.  I had had conference calls from Hades's subdivision on the River Stix, and mentally I was fatigued.  But.  I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to get out and go.  I needed to tap my desire and fuel my legs and get my butt in gear and go the distance.

The tough part is that first step.  The tough part is getting yourself out the door and committing that you are going to make it.  The tough part is going.  As my wise Grandfather once said - "If you are going - GO!"

So, let me tell you what I was thinking while I was running.  I was thinking about those that quit.  I was thinking about those that pull up short and don't want to go any further.  I was thinking about how hard would it be to make me quit?  I was thinking about how much pain would stop me.

I would like to tell you that I don't know the answers to those questions.  I don't know how far and how long and how much I can go because I have yet to get there and I have yet to know these things.  I watched a runner in an event at the London Olympics.  She fell down or was tripped and she flipped around landed on the ground and gave up.  She could have gotten up  - she could have kept going - she could have finished.  She did not.  She gave up and she gave in.

Have I been in pain before?  Yes.  Have I wanted to quit?  Yes.  Have I wanted to take the bus home because I was 10 miles out and knew that I had 10 miles to get back home?  Yes.  Have I been running on a railroad track in the middle of the night and lost and I don't know where I am and I am scared that I won't find my way back?  Yes.  I have been in those circumstances.

But the difference between giving up and keeping yourself going is slight.  It is the drive and desire that picks up your foot and puts it back down on the pavement and pushes you another mile.  It is the desire and the drive to make your way home and your desire and drive to find your way back.  Sure you can take the easy way out and knock on the door of some stranger and ask for a ride home.  You can give up.  Or you can pick yourself up and move forward.  You can pick yourself up and make the difference.

You are not me, and I am not you - but I think everyone has abilities that if they look hard enough and deep enough they will find resolve, grit, and determination to go the next step.  You pick the foot up and you put it down.  You box up your hurt, fatigue, pain, anguish, issues, and you put it in a mental box and smash it with a hammer.  You gather up your inner strength and determination and you do what others are afraid of doing.  You push yourself because you want what is at the end of that run you want the knowledge that you did not fail and that you triumphed over what demons chased you the entire way.

If you are looking for a pat on the back because you finished - you won't find it here.  I will ask you what is next - and what are you prepared to do to get there.  If you stop - the demons win.  The demons of the clock, time, age, hurt, anguish, hips, bones, toes, face, and fat all just want you to stop.  Stop and rest a while - you can get going in a bit. Or a year or ten years.

I challenge myself to not stop.  To take the last full measure of angst and determination and put it in the furnace of desire and power me the next step.  I challenge you to do the same and beat me to the finish line.

The Fat Man - and his cells....

1/7/13

Ah.  You come to visit me again.  To learn of the fat man that runs?  Ah Yes, I know him - he has new shoes - runs in a balaclava, drags his dog along with him, and all at sub-20 degree temperatures.  Oh I know! Insanity must be his constant companion.  Instead of kindly fluffy angels with halos and harps - his accompaniment is the eggnog that he had for Christmas, and the spinach dip that only he could imbibe.  Did I mention the fudge - yes the few pieces that were left on the kitchen counter and disappeared?  Those pieces drag behind him like chains kept on Jacob Marley!  You see he runs at a pace that frightens his fat.  One by one he severs those chains that hold him bound and the fat cells  begin to quiver and instead of waiting for the brutal task master to whip them and deride them - they commit suicide and throw themselves into the eternally burning oven of the Fat Man.  You see the Fat Man accumulated those pounds by honest laziness.  Ahhh it was a bowl of dip there, and roasted turkey there, and a late night chug of evil chocolate milk - and possibly some Eggnog waffles on a Saturday Morning when he should have been out on the long run.  Now he has to pay the piper.  Now that is something that the Fat Man can do!  He could listen to the fat cells cheering him on... or as the master of his own Roman Galley, he can start to beat the drum, lashing the frightened cells!  Oh you can hear the pace setting drum now.... Thump.  Thump. Thump.  And then it increases the pace... Thump.  Thump.  Thump.  And now you see the Orange Rolls from Thanksgiving shaking in their shackles begging to cast themselves into the fire.  Thump Thump Thump Thump.  Oh yes now the Birthday Cake is weeping on row 2 and it seems to have a tub of frosting and some sugar cookies next to it in the same row.  Slaving to to faster and faster.  Now you have lost the caramels, and the clam chowder... Thump Thump Thump!  Soon the beating of the oars in the water and the wailing fat cells begin to burst into flames to feed the Fat Man... for there is only one way in - and one way out... The Fat Man Runs...

Maximum Effort

What is too hard for you to do?  I was watching a WWII movie "Twelve o'clock High" and the question of what exactly constitutes a "Maximum Effort?"

Oh I am not wondering about how fast I can go - but for how long.  I am not wondering about how far the other man can go - it is how far I can go.  I am pretty sure that I will not be able to compete at the 2 hour mark with the Kenyans.  But I can compete against myself.

What am I built for?  Several years ago I began running.  It began as short distances.  Then it began to be something that wore out shoes.  I had never worn out a pair of "running" shoes in my life.  I did not know that you could only run a certain amount of miles before all your shoes were good for would be to walk to the mail box and back.  Destroying shoes became what I did.  Right now I am looking at my current pair and wondering if the tread is water tight or if a squall would leave the bottom of my feet wet.

So - I wear out the shoes - and what is the goal  Do I run the races?  Oh yes - there is hardware to spare.  Shirts too. lots of them.  But glory such as that is fleeting - hardware rusts, shirts stain and piles of shoes decorate the closet.

No, it is not for the detritus of the runner, but to become closer to what my Maximum Effort would be.  Previous running does not indicate success in todays run, but it does teach your body that you are serious.  Oh anyone can out and go a mile.  People walk a mile every day.  But can you go the distance?  Which distance do you want to go?  How fast do you want to get there?  Who are you competing with?  What effort, sweat, grind, sun, snow, rain, grass, terrain, or obstacle are you going to encounter?

I don't think the outside forces matter.  Oh I think that if you have hypothermia and delirium tremmons that yes that might begin to matter.  But you can dress for the cold, you can dress for the hot, you can haul gallons of water to cool your cooking exterior and you can down runners goo by the gallon to give you the pep in your step to get through the next mile or the next 50 miles.

What makes the difference is in your cranium.  Today I went out for a run.  Six miles.  Yesterday was a titch over four.  When you are on the run - your body knows what you are doing - pump, run, pump, run, breath.  Oh yes it knows what you are doing.  You can leave that part to the physical.  The mental part is where you can either succeed or fail.  That globe mounted directly over your shoulders is going to drive you harder and faster and at a more furious pace than you would ever logically condone.

So what do you tell yourself to get to the next block?  The next mile?  The next, next, next?  Oh that is the battle of wits and that of the goal.

Outrun your fears, drive yourself to Maximum Effort.  I at times think - what exactly am I doing today?  Riding a desk little Red Riding Hood.  Quit being a baby and push it up.  Some might call it "Trash Talking" but when you are the only one in the coliseum and it is you against yourself - it is time to answer the bell, time to dig in deep, time to sacrifice some pleasure of eating the endangered Twinkie and avoid an open heart surgery bypass.  Tick go the seconds, grind go the miles, and the goal is out there.  Taunting, beckoning, Embracing.  "Come along little runner, run with me..."

Crossing the T

So how do you "Cross The T?"

Crossing the T - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Running is a lot like warfare - in my opinion.  Previous success is not an indicator of tomorrow's success - but it provides a basis for going out tomorrow to see IF you are successful.  I think that running long distances is something that not everyone does and that makes you unique.  Not everyone goes out for multiple mile distances  - or has the drive to do so. 

So I come back to "Crossing the T" and what it means to me today.  If you read the above linked article and read down to the the Battle of Surigao Strait This was the "last" time in Naval Warfare that a commander decided to "cross the T."  The US warships were successful in their execution of the maneuver and the Japanese - not so much.  So where does that leave us.  I think that we, as runners, go forward and make a plan - which may or may not succeed depending on us and our execution.  But putting the right parts and pieces on the board make us successful

You know what I am talking about?  Nutrition, rest, blah, blah, blah.  You need to have the right goo - shoes - and in the end you have to want to go out there and do it.  Momentum helps to propel you into a state of mind that will help you to gut out the run - and get through it.  Once you have momentum it is hard to stop.  It is hard to not get out and run - it is hard to not look at the miles you have run and know that you are building towards success.

Constant gardening of your time, speed, distance, nutrition, ability, body, mind, spirit - all of these ingredients make your run more successful.

Do we "Cross the T" every run?  I don't think so.  Some runs are "easier" than others.  Some of them are "harder" than others.  Some of them take more commitment than others - and still there are others that grind you down and pound on you.  Running is sometimes like ice cream.  So many flavors that you just reach out and grab one to taste. 

Today was a "crossing the T" run for me.  It was mile 18  this week and it was  something that you need to be there to appreciate.  Hot, out of water, tired, pushing an empty baby stroller, and you are rounding the bend in City Creek Canyon.  You know there is 1 mile left until the end.  But the sweat is beginning to drip off of all of you - and the sun in just at the right angle to pound down on you and you notice that you have begun to shuffle more than run.  You can stop.  You can walk.  You can sit down.  You can quit.  Or you can move it out and get to the end.  You can Cross the T - and bring all of you guts and your desire to bear on this one last mile.  Oh yes - I pick option two.  I keep going - even after my strength is sapped and my vision is blurred with sweat I keep it going.  I may not be as fast as the other runners - but my heart is bigger and my lungs fill with the air of endurance.

Give me two feet, some shoes and some suitable clothing and let me go the distance.

 

Drive

Out on my run today I was contemplating what drives me.  For men this is a typically uncomfortable, long, and drawn out process where you dig within yourself to find what fuels your fire and stokes the flames of competitiveness.  For women this is quite easy because they have been churning on this idea and mulling it around in their sleep for many years.  I am not going to delve into the difference between the sexes but here is what it boils down to:

Men:  "Thog like wheel and mashing mammoth skulls"
Women:  "I think what drives me is that I like to win and I would not mind World Peace too."

So I will speak to how I come to where I am and what drives me.  Since I am a man and a close cousin to the cave dweller this has been a long process.  Drive comes from many places - parts - and pieces.  You don't just wake up one day and decide to go run a long distance because it is something that will stimulate the senses and inspire love and happiness in all living beings.  I run because I want to.  I run because I believe that every drop of sweat that I leave out there is penance for being the fat man I am.  On a higher plane running cleanses my inner vessel of impurities and crystallizes my thoughts.  I contemplate many things out on the run.  I think about Henry (my son), Mollee (my wife), my parents, siblings, and in-laws.  It is almost as if the cave man is going out with his club and counting up the things he has to do today. 

Man:  "Thog think dad need help, Thog think brother worthless waste of hide, Thog like wife and squid."

So where does this all leave us?  Finding your drive and desire to go is the first step.  Acknowledging that you have certain limitations, and some of those limitations are gravity, speed, and age.  Finding a goal worth working towards is the next thing.  What do you want to be doing when you are 60?  80? 90?  Do you want to be around and going forward?  What do you want to accomplish?  Where do you want to go?  Do you want to win?

Do you want to win?  You can ask yourself that question - Do you?  Do you want to be different that the other slugs that waddle along the road of life?  Do you want to take the more difficult road - and struggle to make it up that road and get past adversity and pain?  Do you want to become something better than you are today?

Or do you want to give up?

Giving up is easy.  Giving up is simple.  Giving up is what quitters do.  Quitters go down the aisle at the grocery store and shovel every flavor of Hostess Pie into their cart along with 98 ounces of Diet Coke.  Sure - now chase failure with a side of quitting, and self-loathing.

In my mind the only thing stopping me from running faster is me.  I don't need a guide as to what keeps me back and keeps me down.  It is choices that I make and things that I do.  I stop me.  Nobody else out there on the road stopped me today.  Nobody else on the road stops you.  It is just you and you alone that drive you.

So we come full circle back to drive.  Drive moves.  Drive goes.  Drive does.  You have to get past the "Woe is me" and you have to get into the frame of mind that you control you.  That you make your time.  That you make the effort. That you get it done.  Once you are there everything else becomes mathematics.  How far do you want to go?  How long do you want to run?  How fast do you want to go?  It is all simple math.  Calories burned vs. distance. 

So you find the distance, drive, direction, stamina, and voila - you now need the fuel?

I've got mine.  Fat.  it is my constant companion.  But I decide that I won't give in and I won't give up.  Failure is not an option - and failure is what fat is.