The Fat Man - and his cells....

1/7/13

Ah.  You come to visit me again.  To learn of the fat man that runs?  Ah Yes, I know him - he has new shoes - runs in a balaclava, drags his dog along with him, and all at sub-20 degree temperatures.  Oh I know! Insanity must be his constant companion.  Instead of kindly fluffy angels with halos and harps - his accompaniment is the eggnog that he had for Christmas, and the spinach dip that only he could imbibe.  Did I mention the fudge - yes the few pieces that were left on the kitchen counter and disappeared?  Those pieces drag behind him like chains kept on Jacob Marley!  You see he runs at a pace that frightens his fat.  One by one he severs those chains that hold him bound and the fat cells  begin to quiver and instead of waiting for the brutal task master to whip them and deride them - they commit suicide and throw themselves into the eternally burning oven of the Fat Man.  You see the Fat Man accumulated those pounds by honest laziness.  Ahhh it was a bowl of dip there, and roasted turkey there, and a late night chug of evil chocolate milk - and possibly some Eggnog waffles on a Saturday Morning when he should have been out on the long run.  Now he has to pay the piper.  Now that is something that the Fat Man can do!  He could listen to the fat cells cheering him on... or as the master of his own Roman Galley, he can start to beat the drum, lashing the frightened cells!  Oh you can hear the pace setting drum now.... Thump.  Thump. Thump.  And then it increases the pace... Thump.  Thump.  Thump.  And now you see the Orange Rolls from Thanksgiving shaking in their shackles begging to cast themselves into the fire.  Thump Thump Thump Thump.  Oh yes now the Birthday Cake is weeping on row 2 and it seems to have a tub of frosting and some sugar cookies next to it in the same row.  Slaving to to faster and faster.  Now you have lost the caramels, and the clam chowder... Thump Thump Thump!  Soon the beating of the oars in the water and the wailing fat cells begin to burst into flames to feed the Fat Man... for there is only one way in - and one way out... The Fat Man Runs...

Maximum Effort

What is too hard for you to do?  I was watching a WWII movie "Twelve o'clock High" and the question of what exactly constitutes a "Maximum Effort?"

Oh I am not wondering about how fast I can go - but for how long.  I am not wondering about how far the other man can go - it is how far I can go.  I am pretty sure that I will not be able to compete at the 2 hour mark with the Kenyans.  But I can compete against myself.

What am I built for?  Several years ago I began running.  It began as short distances.  Then it began to be something that wore out shoes.  I had never worn out a pair of "running" shoes in my life.  I did not know that you could only run a certain amount of miles before all your shoes were good for would be to walk to the mail box and back.  Destroying shoes became what I did.  Right now I am looking at my current pair and wondering if the tread is water tight or if a squall would leave the bottom of my feet wet.

So - I wear out the shoes - and what is the goal  Do I run the races?  Oh yes - there is hardware to spare.  Shirts too. lots of them.  But glory such as that is fleeting - hardware rusts, shirts stain and piles of shoes decorate the closet.

No, it is not for the detritus of the runner, but to become closer to what my Maximum Effort would be.  Previous running does not indicate success in todays run, but it does teach your body that you are serious.  Oh anyone can out and go a mile.  People walk a mile every day.  But can you go the distance?  Which distance do you want to go?  How fast do you want to get there?  Who are you competing with?  What effort, sweat, grind, sun, snow, rain, grass, terrain, or obstacle are you going to encounter?

I don't think the outside forces matter.  Oh I think that if you have hypothermia and delirium tremmons that yes that might begin to matter.  But you can dress for the cold, you can dress for the hot, you can haul gallons of water to cool your cooking exterior and you can down runners goo by the gallon to give you the pep in your step to get through the next mile or the next 50 miles.

What makes the difference is in your cranium.  Today I went out for a run.  Six miles.  Yesterday was a titch over four.  When you are on the run - your body knows what you are doing - pump, run, pump, run, breath.  Oh yes it knows what you are doing.  You can leave that part to the physical.  The mental part is where you can either succeed or fail.  That globe mounted directly over your shoulders is going to drive you harder and faster and at a more furious pace than you would ever logically condone.

So what do you tell yourself to get to the next block?  The next mile?  The next, next, next?  Oh that is the battle of wits and that of the goal.

Outrun your fears, drive yourself to Maximum Effort.  I at times think - what exactly am I doing today?  Riding a desk little Red Riding Hood.  Quit being a baby and push it up.  Some might call it "Trash Talking" but when you are the only one in the coliseum and it is you against yourself - it is time to answer the bell, time to dig in deep, time to sacrifice some pleasure of eating the endangered Twinkie and avoid an open heart surgery bypass.  Tick go the seconds, grind go the miles, and the goal is out there.  Taunting, beckoning, Embracing.  "Come along little runner, run with me..."

Crossing the T

So how do you "Cross The T?"

Crossing the T - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Running is a lot like warfare - in my opinion.  Previous success is not an indicator of tomorrow's success - but it provides a basis for going out tomorrow to see IF you are successful.  I think that running long distances is something that not everyone does and that makes you unique.  Not everyone goes out for multiple mile distances  - or has the drive to do so. 

So I come back to "Crossing the T" and what it means to me today.  If you read the above linked article and read down to the the Battle of Surigao Strait This was the "last" time in Naval Warfare that a commander decided to "cross the T."  The US warships were successful in their execution of the maneuver and the Japanese - not so much.  So where does that leave us.  I think that we, as runners, go forward and make a plan - which may or may not succeed depending on us and our execution.  But putting the right parts and pieces on the board make us successful

You know what I am talking about?  Nutrition, rest, blah, blah, blah.  You need to have the right goo - shoes - and in the end you have to want to go out there and do it.  Momentum helps to propel you into a state of mind that will help you to gut out the run - and get through it.  Once you have momentum it is hard to stop.  It is hard to not get out and run - it is hard to not look at the miles you have run and know that you are building towards success.

Constant gardening of your time, speed, distance, nutrition, ability, body, mind, spirit - all of these ingredients make your run more successful.

Do we "Cross the T" every run?  I don't think so.  Some runs are "easier" than others.  Some of them are "harder" than others.  Some of them take more commitment than others - and still there are others that grind you down and pound on you.  Running is sometimes like ice cream.  So many flavors that you just reach out and grab one to taste. 

Today was a "crossing the T" run for me.  It was mile 18  this week and it was  something that you need to be there to appreciate.  Hot, out of water, tired, pushing an empty baby stroller, and you are rounding the bend in City Creek Canyon.  You know there is 1 mile left until the end.  But the sweat is beginning to drip off of all of you - and the sun in just at the right angle to pound down on you and you notice that you have begun to shuffle more than run.  You can stop.  You can walk.  You can sit down.  You can quit.  Or you can move it out and get to the end.  You can Cross the T - and bring all of you guts and your desire to bear on this one last mile.  Oh yes - I pick option two.  I keep going - even after my strength is sapped and my vision is blurred with sweat I keep it going.  I may not be as fast as the other runners - but my heart is bigger and my lungs fill with the air of endurance.

Give me two feet, some shoes and some suitable clothing and let me go the distance.

 

Drive

Out on my run today I was contemplating what drives me.  For men this is a typically uncomfortable, long, and drawn out process where you dig within yourself to find what fuels your fire and stokes the flames of competitiveness.  For women this is quite easy because they have been churning on this idea and mulling it around in their sleep for many years.  I am not going to delve into the difference between the sexes but here is what it boils down to:

Men:  "Thog like wheel and mashing mammoth skulls"
Women:  "I think what drives me is that I like to win and I would not mind World Peace too."

So I will speak to how I come to where I am and what drives me.  Since I am a man and a close cousin to the cave dweller this has been a long process.  Drive comes from many places - parts - and pieces.  You don't just wake up one day and decide to go run a long distance because it is something that will stimulate the senses and inspire love and happiness in all living beings.  I run because I want to.  I run because I believe that every drop of sweat that I leave out there is penance for being the fat man I am.  On a higher plane running cleanses my inner vessel of impurities and crystallizes my thoughts.  I contemplate many things out on the run.  I think about Henry (my son), Mollee (my wife), my parents, siblings, and in-laws.  It is almost as if the cave man is going out with his club and counting up the things he has to do today. 

Man:  "Thog think dad need help, Thog think brother worthless waste of hide, Thog like wife and squid."

So where does this all leave us?  Finding your drive and desire to go is the first step.  Acknowledging that you have certain limitations, and some of those limitations are gravity, speed, and age.  Finding a goal worth working towards is the next thing.  What do you want to be doing when you are 60?  80? 90?  Do you want to be around and going forward?  What do you want to accomplish?  Where do you want to go?  Do you want to win?

Do you want to win?  You can ask yourself that question - Do you?  Do you want to be different that the other slugs that waddle along the road of life?  Do you want to take the more difficult road - and struggle to make it up that road and get past adversity and pain?  Do you want to become something better than you are today?

Or do you want to give up?

Giving up is easy.  Giving up is simple.  Giving up is what quitters do.  Quitters go down the aisle at the grocery store and shovel every flavor of Hostess Pie into their cart along with 98 ounces of Diet Coke.  Sure - now chase failure with a side of quitting, and self-loathing.

In my mind the only thing stopping me from running faster is me.  I don't need a guide as to what keeps me back and keeps me down.  It is choices that I make and things that I do.  I stop me.  Nobody else out there on the road stopped me today.  Nobody else on the road stops you.  It is just you and you alone that drive you.

So we come full circle back to drive.  Drive moves.  Drive goes.  Drive does.  You have to get past the "Woe is me" and you have to get into the frame of mind that you control you.  That you make your time.  That you make the effort. That you get it done.  Once you are there everything else becomes mathematics.  How far do you want to go?  How long do you want to run?  How fast do you want to go?  It is all simple math.  Calories burned vs. distance. 

So you find the distance, drive, direction, stamina, and voila - you now need the fuel?

I've got mine.  Fat.  it is my constant companion.  But I decide that I won't give in and I won't give up.  Failure is not an option - and failure is what fat is.

Moments of the Fat Man Running

Moments.
I was out on a run today.  It has been a long time since I have last updated the world with my status.   So I figured today would do.

There comes moments that will change your life one way or the other.  I have had some interesting moments in my life.  Moments where you can either pull up your courage and fight through the pain and anguish and get to the goal - or you can fall down in the mud and wonder why you are going anywhere at all.  I will admit not every choice I make is the right one - and I pay the price for those choices.  But at other times - when I feel the worst or when I don't know which way to go - I dig back into my experiences and flip through the file of what I have done - and find a match for what I am doing.  It takes guts and determination to do what you are doing.

I talk mostly of running.  I talk mostly of determination.  I talk mostly of doing that which is not easy - and getting the result that most are not willing to sacrifice to get.
I have begun again to run.  I have begun again to push myself and dig deep into my experience and to understand that I have been here before and that I am going forward with my plan. 

What is my plan?  I thought you would never ask.  My plan is pretty succinct.  I want to live as long as humanly possible so I can affect change in the world, hold my Great-Grandchild on my knee - run marathons and half-marathons when I am 80, and get away with all sorts of things that old people get away with.  That is my goal.

Today I ran nearly Six miles by GPS Measure.  That is just the start.
This post was titled "Moments."  I am a fan of Moments in history - and moments in movies - and so I will detail a few:

Henry the 5th - St. Crispens Day.
William Wallace - "Will you fight - or Run"
Rudy - making the choice to go to Notre Dame and not to give up.
Remember the Titans - "Not One Yard - You will Rush ALL NIGHT"
Joshua Chamberlain - Fixing the bayonets on Little Round Top.
Rocky - body blows in the 11th.
Any Given Sunday - "The six inches in front of your face"
300 - the wolf in winter.

Each one of these instances illustrates for me the switch that gets flipped in your mind that says "Not another day of sitting on my butt and not doing a thing."  That light goes on in your mind that you CAN do this - you CAN persevere - YOU are the only driver on the bus.  YOU do it - nobody else can take you along for the experience.  You are in charge of how fast you go - how long you go - and the distance you choose to go.  You dig deep and find the experience.  If you don't find one like what you are experiencing - make one for yourself.  YOU build it - YOU make it - YOU do it - YOU conquer - YOU fight.  Weakness is not an option if you want to win.  IF you want to win you do what is necessary to win.  YOU make the choice to run away or to stand and fight.  YOU decide if this is a "Spear in the Sand" moment. 

Oh sure you might have a buddy who helps you out of bed or talks you through the first steps.  BUT that buddy does not lift your feet - fuel the fire or drive the desire to go.  YOU do that. 

I make the choice to go the distance.  I am a man that will not quit because it is hard.  Hard is what makes you better.  Hard is what others don't want to do because it might take more effort than they want to expend.  I want to run faster, harder longer, and further than the other fat men out there.  I want to drive myself to do what others don't because that makes it special for me.  If I want it I will have to go out there and get it.  My fat is something that drives me - provides the fuel for the desire.  I may not be fast now - but wait - that is my next goal - to be fast - fleet of foot and driving to the end.

Now - what are you prepared to do to keep up with the fat man?

Hard Runs

Sometimes you get stuck doing something you know you need to do but avoid doing because of circumstances that you pile in front of the door till you have to use a crowbar to get yourself out of the predicament that you built for yourself. Making things harder for yourself is a self-inflicted wound that you could have avoided altogether by just gutting it out and doing what you were supposed to do.

Running is like that. If you are training for something then you commit to the moving towards the goal. If you avoid the commitment then it just waits for you. You know it is there - it is patient. Eventually you have to sit down with yourself and make amends for your poor decisions.

I have had some hard runs of late because of choices I made. I really cannot blame anyone but myself for the stress or the result of the runs that I have to do. Is it easier to run when it is 60◦ rather than in 92◦. Resounding yes. Is it harder to run up a mountain and down the mountain to get your miles in – yes. What you get for your reward is just what you get to put into it. I have not seen a single runner who gets to have someone pitch-hit for him to finish the run. You get to do it yourself – it is an individual sport – which individuals compete against themselves. Worse than golf or baseball. The only way to cut time off of your run is to push yourself. Pushing yourself is the only way to get any better at what you are doing.

Today I went for a 5 mile run in West Valley. My employer luckily has a shower at work – so when I am a mess as I usually become after a run I can become presentable again. This run was tough. I know I can run faster than I did. I blamed the environment – 88 some degrees outside along with a blazing sun outside. That can make a run slightly more difficult. It can be even more difficult when you have the opportunity to go in the morning and you stay in bed. Self-inflicted wound.

So what do you do? Man can either do what has been done in the past and continue suffering because of his own actions. OR the other less travelled path is the one that leads through the forest of planning, sacrifice, and hard work.

The choice to go the road of suffering and pain is one that you can make easily take. It is the one more travelled. It is the one that most people will take because they don’t want do try something different. As my wife would say – to prepare themselves for success. 15 miles in the middle of the day 91 degrees. 8 miles in 91 degrees. 5 miles full of pain and no satisfaction. Your own choice to go that road.

I think that less travelled road is the one I will take. It is the one that has the better reward – your own cup of satisfaction. Brewed with your own hands. Ground out by the runs at night and the pain of the daylight run. Oh you can look for an easier path. There of course are the paths that are made of broken promises to yourself. But you can take control of your own direction. Do you go the easy road that is paved with quitting, stopping, gasping, and hot dilerium? Or is the road you take paved with your own satisfaction that you put in the time and effort to be successful?

As Dr. Seuss would say – “Oh the places we’ll go”

When Fat Flies

So - philosophically why does a man run? I started out with small distances. A couple of miles here. A few miles there. I started to like it. Which for most people you would equate with the first blush of insanity. Why go running when the Hostess Fruit Pies are so close at hand?

I am not sure if anyone of you that read this blog run. I think that some of you do and might identify with me at some primal level. But most - if not runners - won't understand what transformation happens as one begins to accumulate more and more miles.

I will try to explain it a little bit. I was a fat man. To be honest 265 pounds does not look good on my nubby little frame. It is something you don't want to cram into a Sunday suit - much less begin to buy those elastic pants. I also have genetic demons that haunt me from both sides of the family. Type 2 Diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and probably mild amounts of insanity. Mix that with the realization that goes something like this: I am a fat man. If fat causes premature death - and it does - do I want to die early and spare the earth or begin to run/exercise/swim/walk/eat right/watch what I eat/actually look at food labels/change my habits/quit eating so much food based on butter?

So it began - I began to run small distances. Mostly to prove to myself that I would not die if I ran those distances. I ran in the following races:

Big Sur Marathon 2010: Finished 5:03:46

Riverton 1/2 Marathon 2010: Finished 2:11:30.8

Top of Utah Marathon 2010: Finished 4:58:51

Ogden Marathon 2011: 5:16:48

Salt Lake Marathon 2011: 5:14:37

Ragnar Relay 2011: Baby Got Swack 30 Hours (18 Miles for me)

Freedom 1/2 Marathon 2011: 2:09:54

So what do you see above? What I see is a lot of room for me to improve. My wife - Mollee - gave me some wisdom. She summarized my training and my drive. To get ready for the Big Sur Marathon I believed that I had to go longer and faster and train harder than I had ever done before because I believed in my mind that it was going to kill me. I believed that I had to somehow cheat death or some such nonsense and that I had to go that distance. Guess what. I went that distance. I cracked the 5 hour mark for a marathon. And since then it has become routine for me to come in over the 5 hours mark. I was reading a book "Once A Runner" which I might add is an easy read which also entertains. But in that book they talk about the numbers. How you are known by the numerals after your name. Well I am know in my mind as someone that can run in a marathon - go for over five hours of strenuous exercises and not die.

So now what do you do with yourself? You have found that you can run for a prolonged period of time. But are you still pushing yourself? Are you still grasping at the last ticking numbers and pushing yourself to beat your last effort? If you think about it - that is what running is. It is you against you. Golf is you against a ball armed with a stick. But Running is you versus yourself. I find that I am my harshest critic when it comes to me.

This last weekend - I decided to run the Freedom Half Marathon - it runs from Emigration Canyon - to the Utah State Capital Building. Very scenic. But in the middle of the race I figured something out. I could be faster if I wanted to be. I could push myself to really go the distance faster. To push myself and get to the end quicker. I don't know if you know this but if you don't run the whole race or you walk and then run and then walk and then run your grandchildren will overtake you and smoke you. SO - I figured out that I can be faster than I have been. I know now that inside I have the ability to push myself harder and farther. Mollee asked me what my Beats Per Minute on my GPS watch was. I did not know - so she told me that I needed to push myself to find the limits to where I could go. 150 BPM. Not bad - 165 BPM equate to a 7 minute mile for me. That is pretty fast.

So what is the point of my rambling. I will put it into a succinct phrase. "It is you against yourself." I was reading Michael Bloomberg and his outlook on the future. He said "You can't change the past - you can learn from it but you can only look forward to the future and work to change your outcome."

Therein lies the lesson. I cannot go back and break off the numbers from my last distance run. I cannot shave minutes off of what has already been done. BUT. I can work harder right now - push myself harder - faster - and with more momentum so that the numbers associated with my name change in the future. I know I can run 8 minute miles - but can I do that for 26.2 or 13.1? How fast can I go? The numbers don't lie and neither does the effort to get you to the next race and obliterate your own records.

Don't walk, run. Don't run. Sprint. Push it up to the next level and what reward is there? You, but an improved you. With no regrets because you left it all out there on the course. You pushed it and you worked on it and your result is something to be proud of.

Reach for the Hostess Pies? Sorry I am going a little bit higher than that.