The Grind

Many men - get up each morning - and some don't.  I count myself lucky to have arisen from my bed and to stride forth upon the earth.  It has been some time since I put fingers to keys to empty my brain of the thoughts I have had.  And there are many.

1. I am still alive
2. Running is good for me - and I find more of it.
3. I can do whatever I want.  I get to choose.

When I think about running I find so many parallels to life and to trials and tribulation.

1. Running is not for everyone.
2. However far I go out - I have to come back.
3. Pain is temporary in a run.
4. Pride has no place in a run.  
5. How you look does not matter while you run.
6. The distance can be whatever your mind chooses it to be.  You want to go 10 you go 10.  If you want to go 26.2 you get to go all the way.
7. No matter how far you go - you are all by yourself.   There is nobody else out there but you and your Creator.
8. When you realize #7 you can have a greater understanding of how you connect with everything around you.
9. The farther you go - the harder you go - the closer you will know your limits.  If you don't go as far as you can - then you will never know to what limits you can go.
10. Running in the heat is brutal - running in the cold is a different type of brutality.
11. 96 degrees is hot.  Five miles in hot is something of an issue.
12. If you are going on a long run - 16+ miles - make sure that the time of year is conducive to the latrines being open to the public.  If not you crap in the woods, by a picnic table, and luckily it is dark outside and you are in the tree line.
13. Toenails grow back.  Or they fall off in the pool.  Or they turn black.  Or you don't really need them anyway.
14. I, so far, don't know how far I can go - I need to find that limit.  
15. Food is just fuel. So don't waste time on food that does nothing for our fuel.  
16. Carrying twins across the finish line of a marathon can be taxing - but survivable.
17. Early morning runs are odd - nobody is awake yet - and when you are running in the winter it is awfully fun to come out of a cloud of snow and scare the bejeezus out of someone who is scraping their window on their car.
18. Runners acknowledge other runners - or cyclists - or four wheelers - or birds - or dogs.
19. People will question your sanity.  They will question your motives.  They will question your choice in shoes.  They will question your treatment of others while you are running.  They will question why you are running at all.  They will question your ability to reason after a run.  They will demean you as someone who has lost contact with the real world.  Your family will wonder why you are not at home but on a run.  You will in polite conversation tell people that you have run "Fill-in-the-blank" miles that month or year - they will question your use of drugs.

Don't ever give up on what you will want to do and how you will want to do it.  Never give up on your dreams or your opportunity to fulfill your dreams.  You can conquer your fears and you can make yourself what you want to be.  Open your mind up to the grind  Open your mind up and pour in the grit and the determination to do what you want to do and how you want to do it.  Don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do.  Don't give an inch to someone who wants an emotional beach head into your soul.  Kick the ass of anyone that deserves it.  Be prepared in every instance of your life to conquer and burn the village down to prove a point.  I have the same metal in me that you have in you.  I want to find the limits of what I have been given.  I want to push as long and as hard as I can and I want to achieve great things and do great things.  The only way to do those things and make the impact I want - is to sacrifice everything I have on the altar of success and suck it up and go.  Are you willing to go along with me?  Your journey is your journey and mine is mine - let us make the best of ours.

Dave

Ahh... I am a Bricoleur... A tinkerer of my own destiny....

I, am a fat man.  And I run.
I have learned a few things in my life.
1.  I make what I want of the world.
2.  I make my own luck.
3.  If I run over 30 miles a week - it is a good week.
4.  Pick your poison - but running is my antidote for most of the things.
5.  If you want to be a victim - go ahead - but don't play that card with me - it annoys me.

People balk at the idea that you can do whatever you want to do if you set your mind to it.  There were people who did not want electric lights - they were called the Lamp Lighters Guild.  Yeah. Losers.
Losers always complain about doing their best.  But I digress.
I don't want to call anyone out - or make them feel bad.  That is not my point.  My point is that you CAN do whatever you want to do.  If you want to be a doctor then do it.  You want to be a painter - do it.  You want to ride elephants do it.  You want to be the best at what you have been choose to do?  Do it.  Don't dig around in your bag of tricks for the victim card.  The woe is me because something happened to you and you can't fix it.  Of course you can fix it. It might be painful and it might be unenjoyable - but you can fix it.  You can do it.  You can make the choice to make the up or down decision.  You can hold the line - battle to the last - and make your choice.  But, you make the choice.

I went running today.  Not out in the bright wonderful sunshine - but in the gym.  On a treadmill.  For 13.3 miles.  The treadmill only has a small brain.  It does not understand anything over an hour.  So you have to restart yourself every hour on the hour or it dies.  It then needs to be coaxed back to life and then it has to know you want to go all the way again.  All the way. Not half way.  Not a quarter.  The entire distance.  I am not the fastest man in the world.  Sir Roger Bannister would lap me four times every mile.  He was a miler.  The best.  I am consistently a 5.6 MPH runner.  That means I go 5.6 Miles Per Hour.  Literally per hour I go 5.6 miles.  So I had to restart twice.

My point is - that I would rather have been out in the air and the sunshine.  But I made due with what I had - and that was a treadmill and the time I had on hand.  I did with what I had.  If you look up Bricoleur - they tinker with what they have and make something different.  That is what you can do with your life.

Not to get academic on you - but there is the story of the Mann Gulch Disaster.  Short of it - firefighters land at a fire site in Montana at 410PM - thinking it will be a small fire - something they can conquer by 10AM the next day.  At 540PM - the fire jumped the gulch - and began to burn up behind the fire fighters - and by 556PM - 13 of them were dead and three survived.  This is an interesting read on many fronts.  The article is linked below:
http://www.nifc.gov/safety/mann_gulch/suggested_reading/The_Collapse_of_Sensemaking_in_Organizations_The_Mann_Gulch.pdf

So if in your life - you land at 410 - what will you do to survive past 556?  You make your life different.  You do something different.  You make yourself into something that will adapt and live.  You assess the situation - and you change.  In my life - I decide to run so I won't die early.  You make your life what you want.  You do what you have to do to survive the next day.  The next mile.  the next struggle.  You choose.
I choose to run.  Not fast - but consistent and I will win my own race.

Fat Cells Crying

Have you ever been on a run and let the music be your guide?  I was running on a treadmill at work - not because I can't run outside - but I did not have the time to today.  SO I got onto the treadmill and popped in my ipod and ran like a rat on a string for 4.5 miles.  Not too bad of a run - I was averaging 09:30 miles and kept up a good pace with a rest in the middle to question my sanity.  But at the 3.2 mile mark a song came on that I could not just do a cool down for five minutes - and I tried.
The song?  I would do anything for love.  By Meat Loaf So I hit that song - and I knew that my version for some reason went for 11 minutes.  So what do you do?  You punch it.  You keep going and you make the most of your next 11 minutes.  Your brain is going "dude - that is Meatloaf - you gotta keep going."  Your heart is going at 172 beats per minutes - and is liking this a lot.  The rest of the body is going "Dude you will regret this later.  When you are in your cube and try to get up and your hip seizes up on you - Meat Loaf won't be there to help you."

The one part of the body that you don't need to listen to is the fat cells.  Yeah they are comfortable.  They are parts of the bacon wrapped scallops that you had for dinner last night.  They are the Lorna Doone cookies that you had a while ago.  Did I mention the cobbler from last night?  Three servings...

But you know what?  At mile three the fat started to suffer.  The cells started to die off.  Miserable little butter cells that have holed up for several years.  I think that they suffer.  Then spontaneously explode - and it is always easier to gain the weight through the mouth - but harder to destroy it and shove it out through the pores.

Sometimes you have do dig deep.  Find that pop tart you had and sacrifice it to the furnace of desire and throw out the detritus that shackles you.  Be free.  Run Hard.  Make the fat suffer.
FMR

Gibbs Rule #39

Gibbs Rule #39

There is no such thing as a coincidence.  Everything happens for a reason.  Leroy Jethro Gibbs says so.  So it is gospel.  So why do I say this?  Because in the last two weeks I have found that nothing ever happens without a reason or without result.
So when I go out for a run - I run with the purpose of solving my problems in my head.  Sometimes it is a spreadsheet and a problem with reporting.  Sometimes it is an issue at work.  Sometimes it is to run the anger out of my system.  Sometimes it is to give my soul absolution for tough decisions.  Running for me is a vehicle that when treated the right way is therapy for the soul.  So let me run you through my coincidences.
1.  I lose my job at UHC.
2.  I get my PMP.
3.  I get another job.
4.  I don't fit with that job.
5.  Another job that I had applied to earlier calls me.  Reopens the position that was closed so I can apply.
6.  Job I don't fit in - tells me so.
7.  Other job offers me a job - and better environment and longer term opportunity.

Coincidence?  I don't operate that way.  Things happen for a reason.  Activities happen for a reason.  Issues arise so you can learn.  All things mount and build.

On my run today - I thought on what I have learned where I am - but I need to know more - and I need to grow into what I need to be.  Work it out.  Learn it out.  Run it out.
FMR.

Give Me This Mountain

Link to my run

I have taken to running at lunch.  It is better than a nap.  Food is something that, unless with friends, takes me about ten minutes tops to ingest and move on.  

So let me describe my run.  Well let me begin with the map.  I started a map at www.mapmyrun.com and planned out a run that would go up and around and back to work.  The problem with a plan, and as Jack Reacher would say:  

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."  

Now I did not get punched in the mouth - but as I was out running I changed course.  I was running in the direction of the Avenues - but then changed course to run down South Temple.  Then I was near Memory Grove - but I did not go up the slight incline in Memory Grove - I changed course - and went straight up State Street and looped around the State Capitol and then I went into the City Creek Canyon - ending up going up into City Creek Canyon for 3/4 of a mile and then ended going back down through Memory Grove and then back to work along South Temple.  I was looking for five miles and got handed 5.6.  

So here is how this worked.  I began my run - and calculated in my head that I was going to be able to do whatever I thought I could do.  And I did just that.  I thought I would take the easier way into Memory Grove - but I did not.  I took the high road.  Literally.  I took the road that went straight up the hill and climbed the fault line.  Why?  Because I knew I could do it.  Now you must know that I am not a speedy runner by any sort.  I just keep going.  I figure that distance cannot kill you - just take it at your own pace.  You can do anything that you want to do.  Just do it reasonably.  I have a guy at work that says "You did not go out and run (fill in the blank) distance."  I hate to rain on that parade but I did do it.  I did do that.  I will probably do it again.  Again.  And Again.  

Why do I do it?  Why do you run during a time you could be sitting on your computer and fretting about Climate Change?  Simple. Sphere of what you can control - influence - and concern:

1. I can't control Climate Change
2. I can't influence Climate Change
3. But I can be concerned about it. 

On the other side of the spectrum - I can:

1. Choose how to use my time
2. Choose to go exercise and get my heart rate up
3. Take out the "trash" from work and sort through things
4. Make myself a little bit better

Running is something that I can control.  I can do it because I want to do it.  I can do it because I like to.  I can control when I do it and how I do it and how fast I go.  I can make the effort to push myself a little bit harder and go a little bit farther.  I can control it.  Which makes me more powerful because I choose to do it.

So I choose to run up the mountain.  Why do I run up the mountain?  Because I know I need it.  I know that I need to get up that mountain and I need to know that I can do it still.  In the Good Book - the "thick" Good Book - it talks of Caleb in Joshua (listen to Spencer Kimball).  Go to minute 6.

To quote Caleb.  "Give Me This Mountain."  

I look at what I do in this life - I don't want to remember my "Egyptian Slavery" or my "fill-in-the-blank" because I am afraid.  Afraid of something tough.  Take the low road because it is easier.  Go Slower because I don't want to do it.  The mountain will always be there.  Wander for 40 years in the wilderness of affliction - hoping that the giants leave and they leave the gates open.  Not happening.

So Caleb was 85 years old.  The giants were still in the land.  The topography was still the same.  But Caleb did not care who was in the land.  He did not care what was there.  He knew he could, with The Lord, with Faith in the God of Israel.  The selfsame God of Elijah - who (link) brings down the fire from heaven and mocks those who worship the dumb idol.  Caleb believes the promises of God.

So that is how I run.  I don't believe that the course I plot will kill me.  I don't believe that I will be the fastest man out there.  But, I do believe, that I will go out, and I will come back.  I will use my body as I need to and I will do what I need to do.  I will try myself, and I will test myself.  Give me the run. Give me the mountain.

FMR

Math and Life

I have been thinking.  Which for some people is a trial - but for some a journey.  Life is a journey.  So I had better be thinking about it as I go along.

I was out on a run last week.  My primary thought was - everything is about math.  The equation of life is difficult, complex, rife with variables, and in the end it all equals what we put into it.

I am a firm believer that you have control over your life.  You can do what you want.  You can be a dreamer, atheist, or a believer.  You can make your bed every day - go to work every day.  You can choose your profession and you can choose your mate.  You can choose to have children, and you can choose to love.  All of these things I have mentioned are just variables in the equation.

If you want to adjust the equation - you can do that.  You can take things out and you can put things in.  Do you want to be out of debt?  Then quit spending your money on things that don't matter.  You want to be skinny?  Then quit using the butter, flour, and sugar as your main food groups.  You want to be smarter?  Go and learn something.  You want to be a rock star?  Learn to sing and dance.  Or at least learn how to dance.  Singing and dancing sometimes don't work well together.

It is all about math and how you work the equation.  If you want something different then you need to adjust what you are putting into the equation.  You want to run faster.  Get skinnier.  You want to be a guitarist?  Do that.  Go get the guitar and you practice till your finger bleed and you can play well.  Do you want to limit yourself by what you have been given?  Sure that is is the easy path.  That is the path of the victim.  Someone who blames others because of something they don't have or something they were not ready to make the sacrifice to get.  Life all boils down to math.

I was thinking about this on my run.  I was thinking about my own personal math equation.  What balances my life and gives it meaning?  I don't think I can answer that without revealing my own personal equation.  But I can tell you some of the elements of the equation.  Mine begins with my family, branches out into others, and resonates with a belief in Higher Powers beyond me.  

My actions and my goals feed my equation.  If I want to run faster - I need to quit eating fruit snacks and Dr. Pepper.  If I want to get a better job then I need to make myself attractive enough that someone else wants what I am selling.  Me.  If I want a better marriage I need to focus more on my wife and less on me and more on my son.  If I want to be a better neighbor I need to help those that I am around and become a better neighbor.  

Can you see how the equation gets more complicated the more you drill into it?  Can you see the intricate numerals and wild card integers that float and move each day?  That is the math of life.  If you want something different add or subtract what you want.  I have found that the way one lives is in direct correlation to how they formulate their equation.  If you want to have all the money in the world - then start collecting what The Almighty uses as pavement.  Make your equation matter.  Make it something that others want to take parts of your equation and mirror it in theirs.  

Happiness is a math equation that gives your life purpose.  Make the math count.  Make your life count.  Run your race as fast as you can - or as consistently as you plan.  I want to make mine count.  I want the product of my life to be what I have put into it.  The product of my product.

FMR

Deseret News 26.2

Welcome.  Let me tell you a few insights into my mind.  I was able to run the Deseret News Marathon on Pioneer Day in Utah - 7/24/13.  It took me a while.  5 Hours 10 minutes.  That may seem like a long time.  It is.  In fact it was long enough that I had trouble finding music on my ipod that I had not listened to.  I had one real goal for this marathon. 

Keep Moving.

Keep Going.

One foot in front of the other - don't stop.

Make progress.

I was not out to compete with the winner of the marathon and see if I could beat him.  I was out to make myself better.  To fend off the fatigue and the hurt and get to the next mile.

My epiphany?

All of your life is going to be like a marathon.  All of your trials and tribulations are going to be like a marathon.  All of your life can be measured in a length of time.  Your life is going to be encapsulated and compartmentalized into your actions - and at the end of your life you will measure what your success will be.  Some people measure success in their lives as the amount of cash you have on hand when the bell rings.  Negative Ghost Rider - that pattern is full.  You can't take money with you and success is measured by what you contributed to the world around you and not your assets left behind.

I digress.

So how is my life like a marathon?  Marathons are hard.  They are arduos events that tax your energy and your soul.  They take your efforts and wring them out and thump on them and test how long your brittle frame will last.  Marathons are like life.  You don't know when the pearly gates will open and you will shuffle off of this mortal coil.  That is not for you to know.  All you need to know is that you are in the race.  The difference is that in a Marathon you get mile markers that tell you where you are.  Mile 13, Mile 18, Mile 23.  You get those so that you can mark your pace and understand where you are.  Life is a little bit different.  You don't get the signs - you don't get the markers so you know that you can push it a little bit more, to measure how much is left in your tank.  You don't get that measuring stick.  There is no sign that says - "Hey you have 2 years left in your life, push it up and do some good here!"

Just as in life - just as in a marathon.  You need to keep going.  You may not know what the next turn brings - but you do know the length of the race.  You have been given a definite beginning - because you are here - and you have been given a definite end - because someday you will punch the ticket and take the eternal ride.

I think that the Marathon and Life have a lot of similarities.  Each one will beat you up in some way - but you need to have the resolve to step up your game and make the next step.  Just keep moving and just make the effort.  People who change the world show up.  They show up because they want to make a difference. 

That is what I felt like on the course.  I knew how long the race was but I wanted to make a difference to me.  I wanted to prove a point to myself that says "I will make it, and I will keep moving."  On my desk I have a quote:

"I don't intend on walking through my life tentatively making a statement.  I intend on making a definitive statement - to mash the objective, to leave no doubt as to where I was, or whether I was here.  Mash it, make a statement."

I don't think my purpose on this orb is to pass through like a breeze.  Me thinks that my purpose is to thunder down the side of the hill, gaining speed and direction, knocking down my goals and objectives and making my mark.  I don't know if it is Mile 24 or Mile 5 but making the best of it is my job.

FMR