Math and Life

I have been thinking.  Which for some people is a trial - but for some a journey.  Life is a journey.  So I had better be thinking about it as I go along.

I was out on a run last week.  My primary thought was - everything is about math.  The equation of life is difficult, complex, rife with variables, and in the end it all equals what we put into it.

I am a firm believer that you have control over your life.  You can do what you want.  You can be a dreamer, atheist, or a believer.  You can make your bed every day - go to work every day.  You can choose your profession and you can choose your mate.  You can choose to have children, and you can choose to love.  All of these things I have mentioned are just variables in the equation.

If you want to adjust the equation - you can do that.  You can take things out and you can put things in.  Do you want to be out of debt?  Then quit spending your money on things that don't matter.  You want to be skinny?  Then quit using the butter, flour, and sugar as your main food groups.  You want to be smarter?  Go and learn something.  You want to be a rock star?  Learn to sing and dance.  Or at least learn how to dance.  Singing and dancing sometimes don't work well together.

It is all about math and how you work the equation.  If you want something different then you need to adjust what you are putting into the equation.  You want to run faster.  Get skinnier.  You want to be a guitarist?  Do that.  Go get the guitar and you practice till your finger bleed and you can play well.  Do you want to limit yourself by what you have been given?  Sure that is is the easy path.  That is the path of the victim.  Someone who blames others because of something they don't have or something they were not ready to make the sacrifice to get.  Life all boils down to math.

I was thinking about this on my run.  I was thinking about my own personal math equation.  What balances my life and gives it meaning?  I don't think I can answer that without revealing my own personal equation.  But I can tell you some of the elements of the equation.  Mine begins with my family, branches out into others, and resonates with a belief in Higher Powers beyond me.  

My actions and my goals feed my equation.  If I want to run faster - I need to quit eating fruit snacks and Dr. Pepper.  If I want to get a better job then I need to make myself attractive enough that someone else wants what I am selling.  Me.  If I want a better marriage I need to focus more on my wife and less on me and more on my son.  If I want to be a better neighbor I need to help those that I am around and become a better neighbor.  

Can you see how the equation gets more complicated the more you drill into it?  Can you see the intricate numerals and wild card integers that float and move each day?  That is the math of life.  If you want something different add or subtract what you want.  I have found that the way one lives is in direct correlation to how they formulate their equation.  If you want to have all the money in the world - then start collecting what The Almighty uses as pavement.  Make your equation matter.  Make it something that others want to take parts of your equation and mirror it in theirs.  

Happiness is a math equation that gives your life purpose.  Make the math count.  Make your life count.  Run your race as fast as you can - or as consistently as you plan.  I want to make mine count.  I want the product of my life to be what I have put into it.  The product of my product.

FMR

Deseret News 26.2

Welcome.  Let me tell you a few insights into my mind.  I was able to run the Deseret News Marathon on Pioneer Day in Utah - 7/24/13.  It took me a while.  5 Hours 10 minutes.  That may seem like a long time.  It is.  In fact it was long enough that I had trouble finding music on my ipod that I had not listened to.  I had one real goal for this marathon. 

Keep Moving.

Keep Going.

One foot in front of the other - don't stop.

Make progress.

I was not out to compete with the winner of the marathon and see if I could beat him.  I was out to make myself better.  To fend off the fatigue and the hurt and get to the next mile.

My epiphany?

All of your life is going to be like a marathon.  All of your trials and tribulations are going to be like a marathon.  All of your life can be measured in a length of time.  Your life is going to be encapsulated and compartmentalized into your actions - and at the end of your life you will measure what your success will be.  Some people measure success in their lives as the amount of cash you have on hand when the bell rings.  Negative Ghost Rider - that pattern is full.  You can't take money with you and success is measured by what you contributed to the world around you and not your assets left behind.

I digress.

So how is my life like a marathon?  Marathons are hard.  They are arduos events that tax your energy and your soul.  They take your efforts and wring them out and thump on them and test how long your brittle frame will last.  Marathons are like life.  You don't know when the pearly gates will open and you will shuffle off of this mortal coil.  That is not for you to know.  All you need to know is that you are in the race.  The difference is that in a Marathon you get mile markers that tell you where you are.  Mile 13, Mile 18, Mile 23.  You get those so that you can mark your pace and understand where you are.  Life is a little bit different.  You don't get the signs - you don't get the markers so you know that you can push it a little bit more, to measure how much is left in your tank.  You don't get that measuring stick.  There is no sign that says - "Hey you have 2 years left in your life, push it up and do some good here!"

Just as in life - just as in a marathon.  You need to keep going.  You may not know what the next turn brings - but you do know the length of the race.  You have been given a definite beginning - because you are here - and you have been given a definite end - because someday you will punch the ticket and take the eternal ride.

I think that the Marathon and Life have a lot of similarities.  Each one will beat you up in some way - but you need to have the resolve to step up your game and make the next step.  Just keep moving and just make the effort.  People who change the world show up.  They show up because they want to make a difference. 

That is what I felt like on the course.  I knew how long the race was but I wanted to make a difference to me.  I wanted to prove a point to myself that says "I will make it, and I will keep moving."  On my desk I have a quote:

"I don't intend on walking through my life tentatively making a statement.  I intend on making a definitive statement - to mash the objective, to leave no doubt as to where I was, or whether I was here.  Mash it, make a statement."

I don't think my purpose on this orb is to pass through like a breeze.  Me thinks that my purpose is to thunder down the side of the hill, gaining speed and direction, knocking down my goals and objectives and making my mark.  I don't know if it is Mile 24 or Mile 5 but making the best of it is my job.

FMR

Memorial Day Run

Here is a pass for the train of my thoughts.  Lets start shall we?
Today was a long run.  I front loaded my week so I would have Saturday free to go and visit my dead people.  So today was a 12 mile run.  You know you have gone fully over to the dark side when you think "Yeah - it was ONLY 12 miles."  I ran from my home - through Sugar House - up to Wasatch Drive - over through the Golf Course - Past Hogle Zoo - through Research Park - Through Fort Douglas - and then turned around.  I did it in 2 hours and 18 Minutes.  Which is respectable in Fat Men social circles.

I will tell you of my issue.  I have a play list on my iPod.  It is fairly eclectic.  I have songs on there from bagpipes to rap to Classical and Jody Calls from the military.  That was not my problem.

The problem was at mile 11.85.  Almost home.  A song came on my play list that caused me to tear up and break up while running my last .15 miles.

The Mansions of The Lord - Sung by the USMC.


"To fallen soldiers let us sing."
"Where no rockets fly and no bullets wing"
"No more bleeding - no more fight.  No friends bleeding through the night."
"Let no mothers cry and no children weep.  We will stand and guard though the angels sleep."
"Oh through the ages safely keep.  The mansions of the Lord."

Those are just a few lines from the song.  But you imagine.  Come with me.  Come back to the wars and the conflicts that we know of.

The Dane bare chested and horns on the head - The Scot with his claymore and kilt.  Antietam, Bull Run, Gettysburg.  All of those that gave all - and stood in line before this world began so that I could be where I am and have the freedom I have.  Those that gave as Abraham Lincoln said "The Last Full Measure of Devotion."

Look up your line and know that there have been those that have sacrificed all that they have had to come along the path to hand off to their posterity the ability and opportunity to get to a better place.  Think of your freedom and of your life.  I did.  I think that I have the opportunity to effect the world around me and to stand a little bit taller because off those that have passed on before.

So for this Memorial day - visit those that have taken that step.  Those that have gone on before you and as you lay the flowers down - know that they laid their lives down for you - and that you - you knew them and they knew you because we are all one big family.  Comfort those that
'have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom." Abraham Lincoln.

Fly the flag.  Be proud of who you are.  Be proud of those that gave you all.

FMR

Don't Look Back.

Today was a gut run.  You know the type of run I speak of I think.  It is a run that you need to do, that will be good for you, but your critical thinking portion of your brain says "Stay at your computer, maybe an email will come through and you will feel useful."

I wasn't going to let that happen. I did not want that to happen.  So I looked at the mileage sheet that my wife so wonderfully provided for me, and it said "3" meaning today was going to be a quick 3 rather than a long 18 or a short 12.  So I went for the run.  I went up the hills and across the foothills and through the traffic and over a couple of cross walks and then I was done.  I pushed myself because I could.  I pushed myself because I know that for the rest of the day I get to sit on my butt and handle issues or crisis or any number of tasks that might arise.  But, my run is done for the day.

So let me share with you a few kernels of wisdom that I had mashing around in my brain.

1.  Don't ever look back.  The past is something that you cannot change because it is done and you can't do anything else to change it now.  I hearken to Roger Bannister and John Landy - John lost his focus in the last few meters of the race and Roger blew past him to secure the race.  Don't ever look back.

2.  Don't ever stop.  If you stop you begin to tighten up and lose your resolve.  You won't have the ability to get up the next hill or the next mile. If you stop it will invariably take longer to get back home.  Back to your kids, your tasks, and your life.  Wait.  Maybe you do need to stop.  On second thought don't stop.  The one thing about running is that you get to go all the way out and all the way back.  You are in control of what you are doing and how you will accomplish it.  Don't muddle through a run - just go out and do it and get it done.  Unless you are truly injured, bleeding, or your leg has fallen off - get to it.  Your run awaits.

3.  You are in control.  You decide how fast to go - how long to go - your pace - and in the end, the results.  You get to choose where to go.  I apologize to all those that lived under Communist Running dictatorships where they told you how far and how long and what to do.  You choose.  You go.  Go do.

4.  Excuses.  Don't Live them, don't water them, don't repeat them, don't encourage them, don't appease them, don't love them, don't help them.  Like a avalanche of fire rolling down the mountain burning everything in it's path, exploding trees by boiling the sap from within, clearing whole swaths of the mountain and charging onward.  Don't timidly step out on the street, bull out there and make your statement.  You are your own nemesis.  Make your mark.

5.  Demons.  Name them.  Mark them.  Hunt them.  Kill them.  Win.

FMR

5.95 Boston Miles - 1 Hour 7 Minutes of contemplation.

As you enter the stream of my thoughts - bring a boat and a paddle.  For the flow is crazy.

Yesterday - 4/15/13 - I discovered via a news feed that a misguided individual or group, had decided to inflict mayhem and terror to runners and spectators at the Boston Marathon.  I don't know why a group would do that, and I don't understand their motive or their goal.  Hurting people is not how you get your message across - it is not how you get someone to listen to you - and it is not how you see results that last longer than when you no longer have the bomb or the gun pointed at my head.

My wife has explained to me that runners have an "internal locus of control" vs. an "external locus of control."  To bring that down to my cave man understanding - runners believe that they can control themselves and their environment - to act rather than to be acted upon.  Runners push through with a belief that they can conquer the next hill in front of them, the next mile that looms so large.  Runners don't start a race thinking they won't finish.  They believe that they have trained hard and long to get there and they understand their limits and their abilities.  Runners don't set out to fail. They plan, plan, plan, and plan some more.  They experiment with shoes and goo and hills and roads and snow and cold and rain and shine.  Runners purely do. 

So.  I went to bed late last night with the news in my eyes of the day.  I watched the bombs going off and I watched Americans do what Americans do.  They run towards the blast and they tear down the barriers and they use whatever is nearby to stop the blood - to carry the wounded, and they go the distance because that is what Americans do.  You grab a lanyard from around your neck and you stop the life from pumping from a gash caused by a cowardly blast.  I was not there.  I don't know what was going on.  I don't know who did it.  I don't know why.

But.  I know that inside - I am the same as those that lost their lives.  Color, creed, etc., are of no consequence when danger comes calling.  You take away the safety of one or a hundred Americans - we close the ranks around those that have been injured or threatened and we protect them, help them, love them, and care for them.  Why?  Because that is what Americans do. 

So, I had been watching my Facebook feed and there were running clubs around the US that were going on a run to show solidarity with their fellow Americans.  I read those.  I contemplated them.  I have a job.  It had an hours window of opportunity for me to go on a run. 

Now let me explain to you how I run.  I am slow.  I am not fast.  My marathon times is clocked in increments of 5 hours.  But I felt something different today.  I left the iPod at home.  I strapped on the shoes, put on my St. George Marathon 2011 shirt and I went out for a run.  Some would not call it running.  Others would call it shuffling.  Today I call it:  Boston. 

I don't know the three people who died in the bomb blast.  I don't know their lives or where they were going or where they came from.  My simple connection is that they were the same as me.  Sons and Daughters of God.  Placed here on earth to learn and to grow and to fulfill a measure of the opportunities that The Almighty had put here for them.  A coward stole those next moments from them.  I cannot do a thing to restore them - but I can remember them.  I can remember that when I take a breath - when I run a mile - when I hug my son and my wife that I have time they didn't, and won't.  I can remember that they were plucked off this mortal coil and I need to make every day count and every moment matter.

That is the "internal" locus of control  No matter how hard the wind blows, and no matter the battering that takes place - I can still make a better world each day that I shuffle forth.  God bless those that have left us and God bless us that have the opportunity to continue our run.

Essense Of Running

I had a run today - it was a Ranger Run - 5 miles.  My wife dropped Henry and I off at school and I had the privilege to run back home.  I was thinking about the essence of running.  What does it mean and where am I headed?

That of course is something that only I can answer - and so I will.  Running grants me some small freedoms.  It allows me to become disconnected from the world around me and to become independent of the electronic clutters this fair world.  Running helps me to push the sun back into the sky and to draw a few more breaths later in my life when it will matter more to me the days that I spend with my grand children and possibly my great grand children playing games with them and having them smile.  It allows me that time to look into their eyes and see the eternities spread before them.  Some would regret the time spent out there on the road.  The alone time that lets you become acquainted with yourself.  I don't regret that time because hopefully the moments spent now build a bank of time that I would not otherwise have.

Running does that to me.  Running gives me the vehicle in which I can keep the demons at bay that might end me early.  Diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and other health issues hang on my family tree.  But if I work at what I have been given, and work at making myself fitter, faster, and capable maybe I will just live a little bit longer and enjoy the life that I am saving for one run at a time.

Each person has their own drive - and their own desires.  I have the opportunity to lengthen my life by every step that I take and every pair of shoes that I wear out.  That is a worthwhile goal - to wear out so many pairs of shoes that the doctor that visits me close to the dying day will not see a pile of worn out shoes but a pile of extra memories and opportunities to hold the little hands and run down the long hills together with those that matter most.

Yes, lets pile the shoes and memories together.  Lets us go the distance together my friends. 

Dave

Quitters.

"thousand miles to be travelled, start with foot (placed) down".

To you that know me.  I am not a philosopher.  I tend to take things literally.  Very literally.  My wonderful spouse gets tight in the eyes when my Inner Viking starts the neighbors house on fire and is looking for glass to pack into the cannon.  Gone are the days of plunder and carrying off the women.  So when I begin my trial of 1000 miles - I reflect on the inner me.  On my brain and my heart and the fuel within me that keeps me going.

Introspection is not one of my strong suits - but what I find in my heart and in my soul is a drive.  Drive to go the next step and drive to get it done.  I find that I don't want to quit - that goals that I put no paper mean something and that what I say means something and that what I do speaks more volumes than are in a library.

Let me illustrate this point to you in 4.5 miles that I did today.  It is smoggy outside, 25 degrees was the high today.  I had been busy all day.  I had had conference calls from Hades's subdivision on the River Stix, and mentally I was fatigued.  But.  I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to get out and go.  I needed to tap my desire and fuel my legs and get my butt in gear and go the distance.

The tough part is that first step.  The tough part is getting yourself out the door and committing that you are going to make it.  The tough part is going.  As my wise Grandfather once said - "If you are going - GO!"

So, let me tell you what I was thinking while I was running.  I was thinking about those that quit.  I was thinking about those that pull up short and don't want to go any further.  I was thinking about how hard would it be to make me quit?  I was thinking about how much pain would stop me.

I would like to tell you that I don't know the answers to those questions.  I don't know how far and how long and how much I can go because I have yet to get there and I have yet to know these things.  I watched a runner in an event at the London Olympics.  She fell down or was tripped and she flipped around landed on the ground and gave up.  She could have gotten up  - she could have kept going - she could have finished.  She did not.  She gave up and she gave in.

Have I been in pain before?  Yes.  Have I wanted to quit?  Yes.  Have I wanted to take the bus home because I was 10 miles out and knew that I had 10 miles to get back home?  Yes.  Have I been running on a railroad track in the middle of the night and lost and I don't know where I am and I am scared that I won't find my way back?  Yes.  I have been in those circumstances.

But the difference between giving up and keeping yourself going is slight.  It is the drive and desire that picks up your foot and puts it back down on the pavement and pushes you another mile.  It is the desire and the drive to make your way home and your desire and drive to find your way back.  Sure you can take the easy way out and knock on the door of some stranger and ask for a ride home.  You can give up.  Or you can pick yourself up and move forward.  You can pick yourself up and make the difference.

You are not me, and I am not you - but I think everyone has abilities that if they look hard enough and deep enough they will find resolve, grit, and determination to go the next step.  You pick the foot up and you put it down.  You box up your hurt, fatigue, pain, anguish, issues, and you put it in a mental box and smash it with a hammer.  You gather up your inner strength and determination and you do what others are afraid of doing.  You push yourself because you want what is at the end of that run you want the knowledge that you did not fail and that you triumphed over what demons chased you the entire way.

If you are looking for a pat on the back because you finished - you won't find it here.  I will ask you what is next - and what are you prepared to do to get there.  If you stop - the demons win.  The demons of the clock, time, age, hurt, anguish, hips, bones, toes, face, and fat all just want you to stop.  Stop and rest a while - you can get going in a bit. Or a year or ten years.

I challenge myself to not stop.  To take the last full measure of angst and determination and put it in the furnace of desire and power me the next step.  I challenge you to do the same and beat me to the finish line.